Saturday, June 14, 2008

An Unexpected Dilemma

Dear All of You,

If you had predicted this situation to me a year ago, I would have laughed in your face. But here it is. I am "getting religion", as they say. I'm having trouble believing it myself.

The story behind this starts last summer, proceeds in baby steps, and is complicated. Perhaps I'll tell it another time.

My dilemma at this point is: what am I going to do about this blog? The purpose I had in mind when I started it was to write about whatever I found interesting, funny, or moving in my own life in a way that would cause others to share my feelings and also be entertained into the bargain. If I wanted to write just for me, I'd still be writing in my journal.

Thing is, as time goes on my spiritual experiences are beginning to permeate every corner of my life. I pray many times throughout the day. When I wake up, my first conscious thoughts are directed to setting a spiritual intention for the rest of the day. My last thoughts before falling asleep are thanks and a recommitment for the day to come. Slowly but surely my perspective has changed so that I'm seeing everything through a new lens.

So, if I continued to write by the same criteria as before, i.e. whatever resonates with me most in a day is what I share, this would turn into a blog about my spiritual journey. Two points:

1) I'm not sure if my current audience is interested in hearing about this. It's very moving but not so much humorous. I'm less inclined to make Seinfeldian observations and more inclined to being touched emotionally. Remember the animated "Grinch Who Stole Christmas"? The part where his heart grows three sizes? That's me right now.

2) I'm not sure if I'm ready to share my experience so publicly, even from behind the shield of anonymity. I'm in the middle of navigating some vulnerable territory here, and I would be leaving myself open to being a target. There are strongly opinionated individuals from both camps who would not take kindly to the idea of a born Jew communing with the spirit of Jesus. I'm having enough trouble managing my own ambivalence without inviting strangers to add fuel to the fire.

On the other hand, I would very much miss the support of all my blog buddies if I stopped writing entirely. Maybe I just need to take a break? Maybe I should call this the last entry of this blog and start a new one when I'm ready?

????????

I appeal to you for feedback and suggestions.

Lots of Love,
Spark.

19 comments:

UnrulyDuckling said...

I would love to continue reading if you were to be so generous as to share your story with us.

unsigned said...

Jesus was a Jew. If you worship a Jew you must be Jewish. So technically we're all Jews. Or at least followers of a Jew.

Mmm... Jew Jew Bees!

Tasty!

Keera Ann Fox said...

I've been going through something similar. Some of my more spiritually-oriented thoughts make it onto my regular blog, because the blog is about me and I am into these spiritual things. But for the more "hard core" stuff, I created a second blog (Budding Yogini). I have a friend who also keeps two blogs for the same reason. She, too, had been doing a lot of searching and put that on her spiritual blog.

I love your writing and whatever you write, I just hope you keep it up. I second Unrulyduckling.

Karen said...

I would keep reading. I think it must be an interesting story and journey.

Big deal if there are critics. Part of having faith and having a relationship with whatever "god" or "gods" or "spirit" you choose is defending and sharing those beliefs. (Maybe that is easier said than done.)

I would miss you if you left, but I would also understand and respect your choice.

whatigotsofar said...

If you wanna write, I'm sure someone will wanna read.

Warped Mind of Ron said...

Spark,
I would seriously miss you. I would understand if this journey is to personal to share, but if not I think it is a journey that I would listen to. This blog is yours for whatever you want to write about or not. Of course I'm a heathen with no faith whatsoever, but I respect other people's choices :)

Aurora said...

You seem to have a knack for writing about your life with wisdom and wit, so I for one would like to hear about how you deal with spiritual stuff.

mex (aka Syb) said...

I too am very spiritual.. It is ultra cool when one has a tangible spiritual experience.. if you know what I mean.. Here's an example.. The Night before the Tommy the Cat died, I was making Better Half's Lunch. I NEVER EVER EVER leave a note in his lunch.. not even on Valentine's Day.. and I have made MILLIONS of lunches.. But this day I did.. I didn't remember it 'til he was unpacking his lunch and said, 'Syb, you remember writing this?" I had.. but yet I hadn't.. if that makes sense.. It was dated June 5 and said "Tommy loves you." Not only that, but the writing was sooooooo neat.. and I have a "chicken scratch" at best.. and I said "David, that is either Tommy's handwriting or God's. It isn't mine. Look at it." And that was the note he read within an hour of burying the cat on Friday June 6. So I wrote that note when Tommy was alive. There are other less tangible experiences: the ocean, the smell of the marsh, the millions of greens on God's earth..

Anyway, I put that note in a little frame and put it in his bathroom.. with a picture of him and The Young Tommy. He has told me several times that "I love that pic and note. It makes me feel better."

When I have these tangible spiritual experiences, I try and hang on to them as they don't happen much.. "pink cloud experiences" I call them. More of them are of the "educational variety" if you catch what I am saying

As for your blog, could you have two? One focused on that and one focused on your life as it is now?

I agree, the audience for both would be different.

But, it is , of course your choice.

I follow the A/A guidelines for spiritual growth. Praying and meditating twice a day, reviewing my day at conclusion. It is a simple way of life.

That's not to say I am a tee-totaler, but I have never found such a perfect way to live explained so succinctly and well

Have a great Sabbath and Happy Father's Day to the fathers in yr life

OH.. AND YES..

PINK NOSE CLUB IS WIDE OPEN FOR MEMBERS!

Syb

Nilsa S. said...

My personal belief is blogging is all about you. And you will connect with people no matter what you write. I would expect some of your current readers to stick around. Others to depart. And new readers to pop up, too. Sure, there will be some naysayers, but can't we learn from our interactions with them, too?

Personally, I'd still be very interested in reading your blog. I'm Jew-lite (can we say JewISH?) and I'm marrying a Presbyterian. So, even though I don't have any intentions to convert at this time, I'm sure I'd relate to you on one level or another. See, you've already got one reader signed up. Ready set go!

Jenski said...

I like Nilsa's point about readers coming and going. I figure if you are comfortable with your level of anonymity on the blog and are comfortable with the people who visit your blog reading whatever you feel comfortable posting, you should totally go for it.

I find it pretty moving when strangers post personal stories and truly value fellow strangers takes on them. You could always enable things like comment screening or password protect particularly personal posts if part of the purpose of your blog is more along the lines of a journal.

Corrie said...

I think your writing excellent and intriguing, and will continue reading. To that end, this is a test of the emergency "post-modern" reactionary system:

--test rant--
My position is that choice of religion is a private matter, as should be the expression of same. Accordingly, I object to you trying to convert me to your position. I will further advocate that you should change your mind and therefore behaviour and conform to my public expression of my opinion, which is the sole position that every rational, modern person should maintain ... privately ... without trying to convert others ... um. But it's still fair for me to impose my view on you - I plead "special case" without qualification! Stamp it on the line, no erasies!"
--/test rant--

How did that make you feel? If you can deal with that, you may be ready for the pseudo-rational antagonism you may encounter. You won't please everybody, but may assist or be assisted by many others. Growth will require the risk of pain (which I'm sure you know well already).

Dianne said...

The easy answer is - whatever you feel good about doing.

I haven't been reading your blog that long but I like coming here and I love your comments elsewhere. I would miss your writing.

I would also be very interested in whatever you chose to share about your journey.

We all have paths and I love knowing more about any and all of them.

As for critcs - well I suppose that's possible but if they're respectful then it's just another view to consider.

and if they're not - I love the delete key :)

jameil1922 said...

NO! DON'T LEAVE!!! this is your blog. like people, it will evolve as you do. you may lose some readers but you'll likely pick up a few to take their places. that would happen even if you still blogged about the same thing you started this one for. blog what's in your heart.

Sparkling Red said...

To Every Wonderful One of You:

I wish you could see the ear-to-ear smile I'm wearing right now. Like this :-) but much bigger and more glow-y. I thank you all from the bottom of my heart for your encouragement.

Thanks to those who usually remain silent who spoke up, because you knew how much it would mean to me.

Thanks to those who took the time to write a detailed reply, and thanks to those whose reply was short but ever so heartfelt.

Now it's clear to me how to proceed. I will continue to write, on this blog. I don't want to compartmentalize my writing into "spiritual" and "regular" because truly I don't feel it's a reflection of my reality. My regular life IS spiritual now.

I'm going to leave comments open until or unless I get slammed, at which time I'll have to decide then whether or not I want to start with the whole rigamarole of moderation. I'd rather avoid it if possible.

Anyway, I don't want this to turn into a post itself, so off I go to start the next chapter.

Hugs all 'round,
Spark.

Sparkling Red said...

To Mex (aka Syb): That story made the hair stand up on the back of my neck, in a good way. What an experience! And how wonderful. :-)

savia said...

I like your writing, and I would love to read anything that you felt comfortable sharing.

Whatever you write comes from the heart, and that comes through in your words, no matter what you're writing about. If people are attracted to your blog, that's why - not because it's humourous or spiritual, but because it's you.

So, just keep being you :)

Tink said...

I think that's a great idea. Take some time to think about what kind of blog you want, what kind of people you want to attract. Then, when you're ready, come back and open up a NEW home. Just don't forget to tell me where you've moved. ;)

Leighann said...

I'm late in getting here but I'm glad to see that you've decided to continue writing on this blog. I think that a blog should be about YOU, what you feel, what you experience and feel like sharing. Don't tailor it to cater to others.

San said...

If you feel led to write about your spiritual journey, Red, by all means write away. You will no doubt do it with Spark. As you know, I enjoy your blog. So much.