Friday, August 27, 2010
Thursday, August 26, 2010
I have been watching the movie Rent from a DVD, in installments. I can't handle more than around 45 minutes of sincere rock opera at a time. It's fun, but it's just, it's intense. Two and a half hours run-time. My attention span for we-sing-almost-every-line-of-dialogue theatre-with-a-conscience is limited.
Nothing much else is going on, because I'm still too fricking tired. I've run myself down working 8-hour days this week (Monday through Wednesday). Even getting driven to work and back again every day doesn't help enough. I'm dragging my feet like they're made of lead. CURSES! It's frustrating. Next doctor appointment: two hours from now. Goal: get a referral to a hematologist. This chronic fatigue thing is not working out for me!
Yes, I will be leaving early today and working a short day tomorrow. Yes, I know I shouldn't be pushing myself. But to a certain extent I have to experiment with my limits to see whether I've improved or not. I'm not being a martyr to work; I'm just being a little too optimistic with regards to my stamina experiments.
At least work is back on track. A few people in my department went and lost their minds while I was away. I had to come back and clean up a huge political mess that came up because some folks can't handle themselves or get along with others without my direct supervision. I was disappointed, but not surprised. At least it's been well-established now, in the minds of my bosses, that I'm indispensible. Just in case they weren't already convinced. That's always a good thing.
Sunday, August 22, 2010
Monday, August 16, 2010
I won't bore you with any more detailed descriptions of my ailment, but I do have to make a correction. I was wrong about the normal range on my blood test. According to my doctor's office, normal iron is anywhere between 30 and 80 units, so my measurement of 15 units is officially "not that bad". Whatever that means.
Anyhoo, mainly right now I'm feeling really grateful to be back at work. Sitting around at home for days on end was starting to drive me bonkers. I was even starting to hate the sight of my bed, after spending so many hours lying in it. That's never happened before. I knew I must be truly going insane when I started hating my bed.
I'm also thrilled to be eating a hot lunch from our building's high-class cafeteria. I had gotten into a rut of nuking a Zoglo's soy-broccoli patty and throwing a sandwich together with hummus on a whole-wheat bagel. It was the least labour-intensive healthy lunch I could come up with. Not bad either, except that after around 10 days in a row the novelty wore off. What I'm eating for lunch today doesn't matter; what matters is that's it's not another freaking Zoglo's patty!
So tell me, what's the longest illness that any of you have ever had to suffer through? Did you ever end up hating your bed?
Thursday, August 12, 2010
Monday, August 9, 2010
Sunday, August 8, 2010
Saturday, August 7, 2010
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
I woke up in the mornings feeling like I couldn’t catch my breath
Finally, this weekend, I cracked. I couldn’t push through it any more. I crashed. And since then I’ve been almost too tired to move. I’m so done in that I’m actually going to see my doctor tomorrow, which is unusual. I’m not one to run to him for ever little thing. But I’ve been resting for a few days, and I’m still so tired that it actually feels like a significant effort just to put together a blog post. I’d rather just lie around and stare at the TV, or even the ceiling. But then, like I said, I’m willful.
The last normal thing I did, in a well-meaning attempt to Think Positive and energize myself through exposure to beauty, was go with Ken to visit a butterfly conservatory. I’m not sorry that I went, even though the drive was long and the adventure exhausted me further.
The photos can't describe how fantastic it was to walk into the 5,000 square foot greenhouse filled with dozens of big, tropical butterflies. They were everywhere, flying within inches of my nose, decorating every surface. The sensation of being surrounded by a constant flurry of colour and life was transporting.
Ken flinched when they came too near to his head. I wasn’t worried. I figured they’re programmed to fly accurately. If they miss us by such a close margin that we feel the whoosh of their wings, that’s just a sign of their fearlessness. At least that’s what I thought until a big one, each wing the size of my palm, flew thwap into my face. Then suddenly I was all AAAAAAHMAHGAHD! GIANTBUGGETITOFFME! Outwardly I just yelped, but after that I started dodging when they got too close.
Another time I was pointing out a new type of butterfly to Ken, when another butterfly spontaneously landed on my pointing finger. It was so unexpected that I reflexively shook it off, and then immediately regretted my reaction as it flew away.
This is a Blue Morpho eating lunch. Why is it called a Blue Morpho?