The Big Fix

On Thursday my step-dad went to see an orthopaedic surgeon about his crumbling hip.  The surgeon and my step-dad used to work together, so it wasn't just a consultation, it was a reunion of old buddies.

Dr. O. "This looks pretty bad.  You're going to need a full hip replacement."

Step-dad "I've been in excruciating pain."

Dr. O. "When would you like to have the surgery done?"

Step-dad "Today, if that's possible."

Dr. O. "No problem, I'll just add you to the end of my list."

And that was that.  Instead of suffering the normal pace of Canadian public health care, which requires waiting for 3 - 4 months or more to have tests and surgery, he was whisked away for the procedure that very afternoon.  He barely had time to call and inform my mom and I before they wheeled him to the O.R.  It helps to be well-connected.

As soon as we heard that the procedure was complete, Ken and I picked up my mom and went to the hospital.  Not only was my step-dad awake and smiling widely at the sight of us, he looked better than he had in months.  He'd had the procedure done without general anesthetic, so he wasn't dopey.  Instead, they gave him an epidural.  He couldn't feel anything from his waist down.  It was the first time he'd been pain-free since July, and he was thrilled.

(I don't know about you, but I don't think I'd want to be even slightly awake if I had to undergo orthopaedic surgery.  I mean, (squeamish alert - skip to the next paragraph if you're a fainter), there must have been power tools in use.  Drills, saws, the smell of bone dust...  He's a fearless one, my step-dad.  It didn't bother him one bit.)

He's been healing by leaps and bounds ever since.  The nurses have been encouraging him to take a few steps with a walker, and he says that he can feel himself gaining strength.  He got a little overzealous last night while he was still doped up on pain medication.  Reaching for something he couldn't quite get, he decided to get out of bed without supervision.  Predictably, he fell down and bonked his noggin on the floor.  Fortunately a) there were people in the room visiting another patient, so they summoned a nurse immediately and b) the only injury was a slight bruise on his head and a dose of humiliation.  When we went to see him this afternoon every nurse who came in the room scolded him again for good measure, and reminded him to stay in bed.  Troublemaker.

He says the hospital food's not bad, but he's trying to stick to a low-carb diet.  Therefore, we're bringing him fat-free yogurt and cottage cheese; chocolate bars; single-serving tins of flavoured tuna fish; and little tins of V-8.  His stash of speciality food is tucked into bed with him because there's really nowhere else to store it.  He eats a whole tub of cottage cheese every day, so it doesn't have a chance to spoil.

The biggest challenge was obtaining the correct chocolate bar.  He told my mom he wanted a Crunch bar, which he described as "the one with popcorn in it".  He was talking about Nestle Crunch, which in fact contains puffed rice.  My mom, not being familiar with chocolate bars at all, went out and bought him Crunchie bars, which are made of sponge toffee.  She almost bought Crispy Crunch, (with the weird flakey peanut stuff) but thought the better of it at the last minute.  I don't blame her for being confused by all these different "crunchy" candy bars, none of which bear the slightest resemblance to one another in terms of composition.  Step-dad didn't get his preferred chocolate at today's visit, as the Crunch bar is not easy to find, but on the way home we found some at an independently run variety store, so he'll be stocked up tomorrow.

Anyway, despite his tendency for shenanigans (such as falling on his head) I'm not worried about him.  He's well-cared for by the nurses, and during visiting hours he has an entourage worthy of a king, fetching him everything he could possibly want, providing sympathy and conversation.  He'll probably be discharged on Tuesday.  As for his ongoing care, it has yet to be determined, but we'll burn that bridge when we get to it.  Ken has taken some time off from freelance work, so fortunately he's available for step-dad-sitting and errands.  Of course my mom will do whatever she has to do.  And I'll do what I can, although I know that what he's counting on me to do is not to hover by his bedside, but to represent him at the family business and keep everything running smoothly.  I can handle that.