Friday, February 4, 2011

Lip Bomb

It's been cold outside, which means that inside, it's been dry.

We don't have a humidifier.  At one time we did, but, unbeknownst to Ken and I, invisible mold grew in it while it was in storage over the summer and when we turned it on the next winter it made us both sick.  I turned it on before we went to bed, and woke up a couple of hours later because Ken was wheezing loudly in his sleep.  I didn't fare too badly - just had a cough for a few days - but Ken had an asthma attack so severe that I almost called 911.  After I woke him up he started gasping and coughing uncontrollably.  It took two months for him to get his health back to where he was before.  Neither of us is willing to risk a repeat performance.

So, it's dry.  Every year when the furnace starts to kick in my body goes through an uncomfortable phase of adjustment, but eventually I get used to the low humidity and, with the help of a lot of moisturizer, I do alright.  Ken, being a typical man in this respect, usually doesn't reach for hand cream until his skin has already cracked.

I also have to have lip balm at all times.  I have a collection of various types around the house for the sake of variety.  Plain, coconut, cherry, and Dr. Pepper.

Last night Ken and I were out for dinner.  At the end of the meal, I pulled out a tube of red cherry lip balm will little sparkly bits in it and after putting it on myself, I offered it to Ken.  I was deadpanning, intending it as a joke because, well, red and sparkly is not really his thing, except for yours truly.  Imagine my surprise when he reached for the tube.

"Really?" I asked.  "Yeah, actually I've been using your Dr. Pepper one at home.  My lips are starting to crack."  "Didn't you notice that there's colourless coconut lip balm in a little pot right next to the Dr. Pepper lip gloss?"  "No."  Silly man.  I love that he's been using Dr. Pepper Lip Smacker, which I bought to satisfy my inner eight-year-old.  It's pretty good stuff, actually.

Later, in the elevator, I reached out towards Ken's face.  He backed away.

Ken: "What?"

Me:  "You have lip gloss on your moustache."

A new entry on the list of Things I Never Thought I'd Say.

(To be clear, Ken doesn't have a moustache per se.  I was referring to the five-o'clock-shadow of a moustache which he sports late in the day.)

When we got home I busted out a fresh tube of clear, unflavoured lip balm for Ken to have all on his ownsome.  He's still welcome to use my Dr. Pepper Lip Smacker anytime.


Warped Mind of Ron said...

Dr Pepper lip balm??? How many calories per tube???

Jenski said...

I'm constantly washing my hands in lab, then putting on lotion, then washing them again because I can't have lotion on my hands for what I am doing. It's rough (on my hands and nails). Before I started keeping my winter lip balm in my pocket, I kept asking my bf for some. He's pretty good at carrying it around. :-)

Sparkling Red said...

Ron: Good question! Nutritional information is not listed on the tube. The closest thing I could find online with a calorie count is wax lips:
If they're 15 calories for 14g, Lip Smackers could be 5 calories for a 4g tube. That is my best guesstimate. Then again, eating a whole tube? GROSS!

Jenski: That is one smart bf you've got there. In a pinch I've used clear lip balm on my hands, but I wouldn't put lotion on my lips. It would probably taste pretty bad.

kenju said...

I am addicted to it, I think. I use the medicated bl*stex. I would love the dr. pepper one.

DarcKnyt said...

What's a little mustache-glitter among couples, right? C'mon.

And for me it's not cracking skin so much as ITCHY, scratch-until-I-bleed skin. Ick.

I feel for y'all.

DarcsFalcon said...

Oooh, Dr Pepper lip balm! Cool!

Years ago Avon had a ton of flavors - the one that cracked me up the most was the set of 2; peanut butter for one lip and grape jelly for the other. They also did that for strawberry and banana flavors. I think at one point I had like 20 of them, lol.

I guess I have an inner 8 y/o too. ;)

Have you considered getting another humidifier? If you clean it with bleach before you store it, it shouldn't mildew like that.

G said...

This has to qualify as the most unusual post about a mundane item that I've ever come across here in blogland.

Thanks for the mornig chuckle. :D

Sparkling Red said...

Kenju: I guarantee that you would love it. I'm addicted to lip balm too. I never leave the house without it, even in the summer.

DarcKnyt: Ick indeed. The itchy crack'n'bleed skin is the worst. If I don't wear rubber gloves when I wash dishes, that's what happens to my hands.

DarcsFalcon: Peanut butter and jelly? I'm torn between loving the idea and feeling that peanut butter is not an appropriate flavour for lip balm. Hmmm.... Yeah, I loved Avon when I was a pre-teen and teenager in the '80s. I wanted one of everything in the catalogue.

G: Thanks! I'm taking that as a compliment. It is my goal to find amusement in the mundane, minor calamities of life. :-)

Jameil said...

LOLOL!! You know you have a good blog when your husband has lip gloss on his stache! Rashan drives me INSANE with his lotion only when cracked self! MOISTURIZE YOUR SITUATION, SIR!!!!

Lynn said...

I love Burt's Bees - I have about 4 of them in purse, bathroom, desk drawer at work, anywhere I think I'll need it.

wigsf3 said...

Whoh. Hold a sec. There's a Dr Pepper lip smacker. My girlfriend needs this lip smacker.


Sparkling Red said...

Jameil: LOL at "moisturize your situation, sir!" You can bet I'll be using that on my man when he's ridiculously dry.

Lynn: I had a bad experience once with a rancid Burt's Bees product. I guess a lack of preservatives is a mixed blessing.

wigsf: I found mine at Shopper's Drug Mart. I'll e-mail you the exact location.