Friday, July 1, 2011

Canada Day

Canada Day, July 1st, is Canada's Fourth of July, complete with fireworks and a statutory holiday.  I got up early, surveyed the brilliant sunshine outside, and immediately went online to find out what events our fine city of Toronto would be hosting to celebrate the day.

Ken and I took the train to Harbourfront.  The event listing stated that the celebrations being held there were free.  Yes free!  And I can tell you exactly why it was free.  Because nothing was happening.  There was nothing going on except hordes of people milling around, browsing at the outdoor mall (which is open all summer long) and providing record business for all the local hot dog carts.

The only entertainment we came across was the buskers, each of whom had such a massive crowd gathered that it was impossible to even see what type of act was occurring.  There was a stage set up at the centre of the grassy area by the outdoor mall, but it was empty.

The grassy area isn't even made of real grass anymore.  It used to be.  Granted, the grass was kind of scruffy, and there were a lot of bald, dusty patches, but at least it was quasi-natural.  Now there is a spongey carpet of fake grass in its place.  It doesn't look like real grass, or like any surface that properly belongs outside.  It just looks weird.  I'd almost rather it be concrete, because at least that's just itself, and not a creepy, ill-advised fake of nature.

We gave up on the crowds after a short while, and started walking north.  We didn't have a plan in mind, but a helpful bird provided a purpose to guide our wanderings.  The bird shat on Ken.  It wasn't a big goose plopper, just the wee, delicate drop of a sparrow.  However, it dripped from Ken's shirt onto his pants, grossing him out to the Nth degree.

At first he tried scrubbing it off with some water from our water bottle and a page of the Employment Weekly free newspaper, but that only succeeded in smearing the newspaper's black ink all over his beige pants.  He then determined that he must buy a new shirt and pants and change into them immediately.  Fortunately, the Eaton Centre mall, deemed a tourist attraction, is open on stat holidays, and we were only a few blocks away.

Old Navy to the rescue.  Ken walked to the cash in brand new clothes with the tags still dangling under his arm and at his waistband.  I had to peel the sizing sticker off his butt.  We saved his dirty shirt to bring home and wash, but his old pants went in the trash.  It was a blessing in disguise as far as I'm concerned, because those old pants, with the chewed up cuffs and the red ink-stain on the thigh, should have been condemned months ago.

Another benefit is that we discovered that Ken looks great in green.  I've never seen him wear a green shirt before, but that's what Old Navy had in his size, so that's what he bought.  A lovely, summer-leaf green.  Thanks, bird!


Pixiebaby said...

I have to admit that I am giggling profusely at your hubby's encounter with the bird bomber. I'm sure it wasn't funny to him in the least when it happened. :) Your festivities there sound about as exciting as the ones closest to where I live (yawn), but luckily I stumbled across a really great Independence Day celebration about 35-40 minutes from here last year and they do it every year. They have a free concert by the symphony that begins around 7:30 and then there are fabulous fireworks off of a suspension bridge over the river at dark. So, that is my plan again for this year. Keep your fingers crossed for good weather. Uh oh, maybe I should not have laughed at your husband...this event is obviously outdoors. Well, I solemnly swear to let you know if I get birdie bombed so that he can have a giggle at my expense in return! :)

darcknyt said...

I think it's hysterical when people use "shat" for the past tense. I don't know whether such things have a proper past tense case, but it's amusing to come up with them.

Hurray for being able to buy pants off the rack and wear them out of the store, too! Oh, those were the days. Those were the days.

red's little sparkle said...

an odd note about the fake grass: i don't know if you've noticed this or not but there's also fake DIRT amid the not-grass. for serious. it's totally weird.

wigsf3 said...

are you trying to find an upside to Ken being shat on?

Sparkling Red said...

Pixiebaby: That does sound like a good celebration. Actually if I'd been willing to stay out until after dark I could have seen a fireworks display, but not a free concert by the symphony! That is special! I hope you have a good time and that the birdies don't feel the need to enact any poetic justice. ;-)

Darcknyt: That's the best thing about Old Navy: their pre-hemmed multi-width and multi-length men's pants. Ken can't buy pants off the rack just any old where, but ON has got him covered. And "shat" is one of my favourite words - it straddles the line between cursing and polite Shakespearean anachronism.

Little Sparkle: Seriously? Fake dirt? I know they must have designed in some kind of drainage system, but that is taking it one step further. Did you notice any fake worms?

Sparkling Red said...

wigsf: You know me: Pollyanna of the internet. There's always an upside until I die. And then the upside is that you don't have to put up with me always looking for the upside anymore.

Claire said...

I'm glad there was a happy ending! :)


ileana said...

LOL - This post made me chuckle. It's true what the Italians say (think of "Under the Tuscan Sun") about bird poop being good luck. If one poops on me, I'm booking a flight to myself!! lol

PS - Green is a good color...makes a person more approachable, I think. Just like red is a loud color and blue = is more of a down-to-earth, sensitive color, in my opinion.

Sparkling Red said...

Claire: Yes! And we lived happily ever after. :-)

Ileana: Bird poop certainly does make life more interesting, I'll give you that much.
It just occurred to me that Ken's new shirt is almost the exact shade of green of the background of my blog page. And I do find it makes him look very fresh and approachable.

Jameil said...

I so didn't know we got married on Canada Day!! That is hilarious! Mostly because there's a fake Canadian teen star on "How I Met Your Mother" who sings "Let's Go to the Mall" HILARIOUSLY as Robin Sparkles! LOLOL There's nothing worse than a boring free party. It's almost like people expect you not to complain b/c it's free. Umm... no. I wish something would help me get rid of Rashan's ugly clothes!! Something like that! Something that minimally impacts me! Leaf green is def. one of my favorite shades of the color!

LL Cool Joe said...

This made me laugh. A bird pooped on one of my caps a while back, I'm sure I blogged about it.

I should have used it as an excuse to get a new cap!

But seriously, I can't believe that the pair of you don't have a Tide to Go stain pen with you at all times!

Jenski said...

Sounds like you were conspiring with the bird over those pants! Glad Ken has a new color in his wardrobe. :-)

Sparkling Red said...

Jameil: I've only seen around 6 episodes of How I Met Your Mother, but fortunately I've seen the "Let's Go To The Mall" episode, and it's by far my favourite! I'm glad that this ties in together with your wedding, Canada Day, and Ken's new shirt. That is a strong combo.

LL Cool Joe: I only carry my Tide pen with me when I'm wearing my white jeans. Of course they act as a magnet for food. I've almost completely stopped wearing them because I keep thinking "Well, at some point in the day I've got to eat, and then I'll ruin my jeans." They remain safely in my closet.

Jenski: The other available shirt colour (they were very picked-over) was peachy orange. Too loud for my taste. We're lucky the green was available in his size.

DarcsFalcon said...

It just goes to show that even when life craps on you, you can still make something good come out of it. ;)

Glad you had a nice holiday hon!

Lynn said...

Hey - you can thank that bird for getting rid of those pants. Why do men do that? My ex-husband had some things like that he didn't want to part with. And the silver lining - the green shirt!