Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Silly Man

There is a type of person I refer to as a "bubble-dweller".  Bubble-dwellers live in their own little world, usually a mild and pleasant place, surrounded by an invincible barrier that keeps them from acknowledging anything that they don't particularly want to deal with.  Bubble-dwellers, a.k.a. "space babies" (Ken's preferred term) tend to be dreamy and unfocused, pleasant enough company, but very disorganized.

My step-dad (I'll call him "my dad", now that I've distinguished him from my bio-dad) is not a typical bubble-dweller.  In his life as a businessman he is focused, and can be ruthless if you get on his bad side.  However, in all other respects, he is something of a space baby, and getting spacier as the years go by.

He just bought a new car.  His previous car was only one year old, but he's not a careful driver, and it was covered with scrapes and dents.  We all agreed that this car was too big for him.  He's better off with a small one so he'll have more room for error.  He assigned Ken to get rid of his old car.  He suggested contacting a business called Lease Busters, which he used the last time he wanted to get rid of a car before the lease was up.  Turns out the old car wasn't leased.  My dad had bought it, only a year ago, but he didn't remember that he'd bought it. 

My dad is forever misplacing his cell phone.  Once it was missing for a week when he dropped it into one of his shoes.  He doesn't have a smart phone because a) he's not that comfortable with technology and b) it would be more catastrophic when he lost his phone if he depended on it for his contacts and schedule.  Instead, he writes notes on little scraps of paper.  At least when he loses a scrap of paper it's only one piece of information that's gone.  The last time he lost his cell phone, my mom found it buried under the pile of scraps of paper on his desk.

My dad is usually on some kind of weird diet.  The latest thing is he sprinkles some kind of powder on his food while he's eating.  I'm not sure exactly what the powder is supposed to do, but there's one type of powder for sweet foods and one type for salty foods.  It's all very mysterious.

Recently he went out and bought a bag of avocados.  He put the bag in the trunk of his car without securing it, and by the time he got home all the avocados had escaped and rolled into every corner of his trunk.  He gathered some of them up and brought them inside, but he didn't get them all.  The remaining avocados froze solid, and rattled around his trunk for the next week or two.  He went golfing and there was an avocado in with his golf clubs.  He opened up his carry-case in a business meeting and pulled out an avocado.  I'm not sure if he saved those ones to eat.

Being inattentive is costing my dad a lot of money.  He has lost two wedding rings within the past year, and each time my mother has insisted (understandably) that he buy a replacement.  I don't know if the jewellery store has ever had such a regular customer in the wedding ring department, especially one who has never been divorced.  Maybe they think he's a polygamist who just married his third wife.

14 comments:

Jameil said...

I like the cell phone story but the avocado story? The avocado story!? That takes the cake! Or the avocado if you will. I would collapse into paroxysms of joyful giggles if someone ever pulled one out in a business meeting! Not least of all because I love avocados but also because it's just awesome!

Were you planning on biting into that? Peeling it like an orange? Do you have a spare knife in there? The meeting couldn't go on until these questions were answered! Though people who do things like this can be long-winded, too and not necessarily in the way that yields a good story. Is he a good storyteller?

DarcKnyt said...

So I'm with Jameil on this. I think your dad needs to become a good storyteller if he's not yet. It's mandatory for someone who does these sorts of things to be a great storyteller. Future generations will need this sort of thing one day.

And, you should introduce him to WISGF's dad. The two of them together? We'd need an accountant to keep track of the amount of money they'd lost or otherwise squandered.

Good times...good times.

LL Cool Joe said...

Actually...I sound a bit like your step-dad. That's a bit worrying. :D

My Word verification is Ungender. How do they know?? ;)

Sparkling Red said...

Jameil: I wouldn't say that he's long-winded so much as he sometimes... talks... very... slowly. It's all part and parcel of his slightly disconnected nature; my theory is that he's always getting distracted by tangents in his mind and he has to constantly remind himself of what he was talking about. He's not an exceptional story-teller, however I hope to do justice to his stories myself.

DarcKnyt: I have definitely had that thought myself. If my dad had more of his time unaccounted for, I would wonder if WIGSF was a secret son from his secret second family in Thornhill. We are, after all, fairly close neighbours, relative to the range of the internet.

Sparkling Red said...

LL Cool Joe: In what way are you like my step-dad? Do you have avocados in your trunk?

Warped Mind of Ron said...

It's very important to have avocados at hand in case of emergency... I constantly see avacados in little cases with "Break Glass in Case of Emergency" signs.

Lynn said...

I'm with the others ^^^ - the avocado story is great. How funny that one was in his golf clubs.

I think I have a touch of the dreamworld within me that your dad has. You should see the dings on my car - the two worst ones are completely my fault. One from banging into a parked car (that one costed me $360) and another from hitting one of those things that you slide your parking card into when leaving the garage. (I scraped my side mirror up.)

LL Cool Joe said...

Avocados in my trunk or my trunks?

Sorry I've been drinking wine, I'll go....

Jenski said...

Sounds like time for your Dad to get one of those wedding ring tattoos! Try losing THAT.

Tracy Makara said...

Bubble dweller...I like it and will add it to my list of nicknames for myself :) No...there are no avocados in my trunk or anywhere else LOL but...I do have a reputation for being scatterbrained. Your dad sounds like a hoot. At least you can't call him boring ;)

Granny Annie said...

Should I laugh or cry? I could easily cry because your dad sounds a bit like me. I too am easily a space baby. However owning a car you think one thinks they are renting could be a serious matter.

Granny Annie said...

Should I laugh or cry? I could easily cry because your dad sounds a bit like me. I too am easily a space baby. However owning a car you think one thinks they are renting could be a serious matter.

Sparkling Red said...

Ron: Safety first! Always have an avocado handy, right next to the fire extinguisher.

Lynn: Oh dear. Well, as long as it's just scrapes on the car and no damage to yourself, that's alright. My dad hasn't manage to injure himself in a car accident as yet, which is a miracle. He is one of those people who will back up on the highway if they miss their exit. *shudder*

LL Cool Joe: In your trunks? That would be uncomfortable.

Jenski: That's a good idea, although my mom is pretty old-fashioned. I don't know if it would satisfy her.

Tracy: I could tell stories about my dad all day long. :-)

Granny Annie: My goodness, it seems that the majority of my readers are a bunch of space babies! <:-o How could that be? And here I pictured you all as so focused and organized.

DarcsFalcon said...

Those are cute stories! Your dad sounds like a real character. :)