Sunday, August 19, 2012

CNE 2012, a photo essay

When I attend the Canadian National Exhibition fair every year, the first place I always head is the petting zoo.  As an animal lover living in a big city with a fur-and-feathers-intolerant husband, I am creature-deprived.  I love being slobbered on by furry-lipped farm friends.  The goats, sheep, and llamas at the petting zoo are always happy to oblige.

Bring on the noms.

When I've had my fill of the petting zoo, I head straight for the farm building, where various agribusiness interests (Dairy Farmers of Canada, Egg Farmers of Canada, etc.) display items/creatures of interest and are available to answer questions.  For example, how long does it take a mechanical milking machine to milk a cow?  5 to 7 minutes.  Then they apply "teat dip" to make sure the cow's udder stays healthy. Do not confuse this with chip dip; it probably doesn't taste very good.

Piglet frenzy!

These piglets were frolicking so energetically that it was impossible to get a non-blurry photo of them.  They were running around and doing a bunny-like jump-wiggle move in mid-air.

Disapproving ostrich.

Timbit the Little Pony

Hey lady, make with the noms, or get out of my face.
(A.k.a. Minature Pony Side-Eye)


Alpaca mug shots.

Can you identify the alpaca in the first photo?

Does this shade of brown make my butt look big?

Nom delishus fence.

This 8-month old heifer (female calf) decided that my right arm looked tasty.  She stuck out her big, rough cow tongue and gave it a thorough licking.  If you are familiar with the roughness of a cat's tongue, a cow's tongue is like that x 10.  I was thoroughly exfoliated.  I didn't care, because I was busy rubbing her velvety neck with my left hand.  Baby cows are so lovely!

After I had been thoroughly slobbered upon, I went to wash up at one of the hand-wash stations they have set up throughout the farm building for that very purpose.  I lathered up to my elbows with antibacterial soap, like they do on Grey's Anatomy.  Well, that soap was pretty irritating to my raw right arm.  The freshly licked areas turned bright red.  My arm burned, stung, and tingled for a full 20 minutes.  I was all OMG I HAVE COW BURN!  Someone call for first aid!  But it settled down and this morning my arm is fine.

After that I was in the mood for some noms myself, so I sought out the food building.

The CNE has made a habit of featuring a new gross extreme food item every year, ever since they introduced deep-fried Mars bars.  After that it was deep-fried Oreos, deep-fried Twinkies, even so-called deep-fried butter.  I guess they decided that the novelty of deep-frying unhealthy crap had worn off, because this year they introduced the Eclair Dog.

Like us on Facebook? I don't think so!

I didn't see anyone eating an Eclair Dog.  I'm not sure if that makes me feel relieved or disappointed.

After lunch I shopped around the mall area and bought a couple of little trinkets.  Then I ended the day with a little of this guy:

I am a professional Rock Balancer.

Does he travel the country balancing rocks at special events year-round?  Does he specialize in rocks, or can you ask him to balance anything?

The fruits of his labour

It's impressive, but I wonder how you get onto this career path.  Was this what his guidance counsellor suggested?  "Jerry, you're failing every subject, but we're impressed by your ability to stand your pencil on end.  I think you need to focus on your strengths.  I mean, strength."

And that was about it!  I sure didn't have time to see everything, so you never know, there may be a second instalment coming soon.


DarcKnyt said...

I'm sorry, I'm having no luck getting past the idea of an Eclair Dog. I mean... No, I can't... that's got to be...

Well. Glad you had some furry, slobbery goodness. If you have to have your clothes on for it, this is certainly a good way to do so. :)

Jameil said...

I'm most amused by the piglet frenzy and the disapproving ostrich. If I liked eclairs (I hate my doughnuts with anything but glaze or cinnamon and sugar), I would give that a chance. Oh yes and the first alpaca! I dig him! 10xs rougher than a cat tongue??? I'm going to have to pass. Do you know how amused I am that you watch Grey's??? I never know what shows have made it up there. Rashan and I both cracked up at Jerry's guidance counselor! LOL

Warped Mind of Ron said...

Wow... who does the alpaca's hair??? Those fro's are to die for...

Jenski said...

Bring on more animal pictures!

I just went to a county fair with my sister and her kids. She and I could wander around the animals all day and the kids were all about the rides. I did learn that male goats drink their pee while they pee. Impressive and gross.

DarcsFalcon said...

I'm so happy you had a great time! Even if it did involve slobber. ;)

I think the alpaca in the pic was Cido.

That rock guy - yeah how DO you get a job like that? That was so funny and weird at the same time. :)

G. B. Miller said...

That reminds me, we have the equivalent popping up here in a couple of weeks called "The Big E".

An eclair hot dog would sound absolutely perfect for ours, 'cause ours creates the most disturbingly unhealthy foods you can possibly have.

wigsf3 said...

This post released my inner little girl. I hopped up and down and clapped my hands at all the cute li'l aminals.

Hope you're happy.

Lynn said...

Professional rock balancer - now I've heard of everything. :)

84829942-3a88-11e0-83da-000bcdcb5194 said...

Why American men should boycott American women

I am an American man, and I have decided to boycott American women. In a nutshell, American women are the most likely to cheat on you, to divorce you, to get fat, to steal half of your money in the divorce courts, don't know how to cook or clean, don't want to have children, etc. Therefore, what intelligent man would want to get involved with American women?

American women are generally immature, selfish, extremely arrogant and self-centered, mentally unstable, irresponsible, and highly unchaste. The behavior of most American women is utterly disgusting, to say the least.

This blog is my attempt to explain why I feel American women are inferior to foreign women (non-American women), and why American men should boycott American women, and date/marry only foreign (non-American) women.

Tens of millions of American men have had their lives completely destroyed by American women through the following crimes:

1. False rape accusations (it has been proven that up to 80 percent of rape accusations are FALSE)

2. False domestic violence (DV) charges (same as above)

3. False sexual harassment charges (men are now afraid to even talk to women in the office because all it takes is one woman to make up a false sexual harassment charge and then the man's career is finished)

4. Financial destruction of men in divorce courts through alimony and support payments (women get up to 95 percent of their ex-husband's income and savings, as well as the house, car, etc)

5. Emotional destruction of men by ex-wives who have stolen their children from them and forbidden the fathers from having custody or contact with their own children

6. Divorced dads who commit suicide as a result

99.9 percent of American and western women are liars, hypocrities, and criminals, who support women committing crimes against men. Women refuse to condemn their fellow women who destroy men's lives. Silence means consent. Therefore, American women support and enjoy destroying men's lives and causing men to commit suicide. Apparently, American women think it is okay to be a criminal, just as long as you are a woman. Therefore, is it any surprise that a huge percent of American men no longer want anything to do with American women, other than using them for easy sex and then throwing them away?

A few more reasons to stay away from American women?

-25 percent of American women take psychiatric drugs for mental illnesses.
-25 percent of women under the age of 30 have at least one STD.
-85 percent of divorces in America are INITIATED by women, thus women are responsible for the vast majority of divorces.
-70 percent of criminals in America were raised by single mothers, thus feminism is responsible for most crime in America.
-The majority of child molestation, child abuse, and child murder in America is done by WOMEN.

Over 50 percent of American women are single, without a boyfriend or husband; so the fact is most American men no longer want to marry American women. Let these worthless American women grow old living alone with their 10 cats.