Thursday, January 8, 2015

Stop it, Spark, it's not punny.

One of the ways I deal with worrisome subjects is by being silly, and by making inappropriate puns.  You're just going to have to deal with it.

My Mom went for her MRI on Monday.  We won't have the official results for a few business days, but my Step-dad managed to corner a doctor and get an unofficial diagnosis from him.  So, I'm not fully accepting this until the report is published, but for now it looks like my Mom has a schwannoma in her leg.

Not a shawarma, although they are delicious.

A schwannoma is a benign tumor of the nerve sheath.  Benign!  That means NOT CANCER.  Hooray.  (For now.  There will [hopefully] be Hooray! with an exclamation mark, or two or three, when the results are official.)

I'm not the only one who is punning my way through this.  When I told Ken, he immediately starting singing "M-m-m-my schwannoma", to the tune of My Sharona

(You may have noticed that I am capitalizing my relatives' titles.  I am sure that this is grammatically incorrect, but it feels right.)

Speaking of getting old, sick, and dying, I have definitely, and without ambiguity, started perimenopause.  All you need to know about this is that my hormones are going whackadoodle.  Ladies of a certain age will understand.  The rest of you who are young and/or male, count your blessings while they last.

I should put some unambiguous good news in here.  Some verifiable, honest-to-goodness happiness.  Um... let's see... I bought pants online and they fit like they were custom-tailored for me!  That's awesome, right?  These, in Deepest Green.  They're a nice change from skinny-cut pants, which sometimes don't stand up when I do.* 

*(i.e. Skinny pants don't slide down to cover my ankles when I straighten my legs.)

That's about it.  It's very cold in Toronto this week, but that doesn't trouble me much.  Ken offered me a ride to work yesterday, when it was -17 C ( 1 F) with a wind chill of -29 C (-20 F), but I honestly preferred to walk and take the bus.  Nothing against Ken, either.  He's an excellent driver, and our car is comfortable.  It's just that I need my fresh air and exercise or I feel cold and sleepy all morning.  I secretly relish the challenge of surviving "extreme" winter weather.  I'm such a Canadian.


DarcKnyt said...

SO glad (tentatively/pending) to hear your Mom's (yes, it's okay, because an argument could be made the title is being used in place of a proper noun or name, do when you say "Stepdad" instead of "John" it IS capitalized) good news! We'll continue praying.

And HUZZAH for pants that fit right out of the box!! W00t!! I love that.

G. B. Miller said...

Great news about your Mom and success!!!! with the pants!

Father Nature's Corner

Granny Annie said...

I have just started ordering food from Schwan's!!

From reading about this type of tumor it is a joy to learn it is what your mother has. A very benign type. And I am grateful as I know you are.

Not as much success with my last online wig order. I still don't look like the model.

Ginny said...

Well the title of this blog post made me laugh. It was very punny.

I'm on the search for some work pants and it's a miracle when you find something that fits well. Buy 50 pairs!

I'm glad the tumor is benign but still quite a scare I'm sure.

Sparkling Red said...

DarcKnyt: I should definitely refer to you as my Friend. ;-)

G.B.: Thanks! *high five*

Granny Annie: I never thought about ordering a wig online. I suppose it must be as tricky as any other online purchase-gamble.

Ginny: I know, right? As soon as I figured out how well the green pair fit, I ordered them in blue. If the blue fits as well, I might just grab every colour in the catalogue!

Emma Gorst said...

I love your puns :-)
I am glad to hear that a schwannoma is benign.
Also PANTS. FIT. That's amazing. ONLINE. FIT. PANTS. that would just make my whole week. Didn't you have to take them up or anything? I always have to hem mine.

LL Cool Joe said...

That is good news about your mom!

Great pants, although of course that's really trousers here in the UK and saying "great pants" sounds like I've checked out your underwear. :D

Sparkling Red said...

Emma : Nope, no hemming (or hawing), they were exactly the right length.

Joey: Awesome. Let's start some scandalous rumours! ;-)

Jenski said...

Glad the lump is likely benign!

LL Bean also has amazing slippers for cold feet. I've been espousing their amazing news to anyone who will listen after getting some for Christmas.

Lynn said...

Good puns there! :) I hope your mom continues to be OK.

I went through menopause fairly early - so I'm all done. It wasn't the nightmare it could have been, since I took BC pills the whole time - the hormones in the pills masked the symptoms.

I have some new LL Bean pants, too - not corderoy though, for some reason I have an strange aversion to touching it. :)

Vanessa T said...

I love puns! And I'm glad things look good in terms of your moms outlook. Joy!

And great fitting pants? Boo-yah! :)