Saturday, February 6, 2016

I'm Fine, and You?

My cousin had a baby!  He's her first, but most likely not her last.  I heard her talking about the advantages of double-wide strollers.  Here he is at one day old:

Is it just me, or is he uncommonly beautiful for a newborn?  I mean, I love a squishy baby face as much as the next person, but that's usually what you get.  This little guy doesn't look puffy or doughy in the least.

I'm happy for my cousin and her husband.  They're the type of responsible, caring young people who will be excellent parents.  It's nice to know that a baby has everything going for him from Day 1.

In other good news, I am well.  I mean, I'm 100% healthy.  It's not only that I've dodged all the colds that are going around the office (so far); it's more than that.

If you look back in my blog 3 to 4 years ago, I was a mess.  I was pretty seriously anemic, and on top of that I was clinically depressed and chronically anxious.  I would have a panic attack at the slightest provocation.  I was so exhausted all the time that I barely had enough energy to get through each day. For a long time all I did was work and then sleep, more or less.  Then it got worse and for two months I could barely get out of bed.  I had all sorts of medical tests and went to lots of alternative medical practitioners, but no one knew how to help me.  (My depression and anxiety were well-masked by physical symptoms. Of course all the tests came back negative.  I even fooled the local hospital; when I went to the E.R. with what I later realized was a panic attack, they couldn't figure out why my heart was racing or why I felt so weak.  They sent me home after 8 hours and said if it got worse, or didn't improve, I could come back and they'd admit me to the cardiac ward.)

I was finally diagnosed correctly, and started on a low dose SSRI, which I maintain to this day.  I also figured out a way to take iron supplements that doesn't mess up my stomach.  Over the past 3 years my energy and mental health have been slowly but surely improving.  I've gained 20 pounds of mostly muscle, so I no longer look frail and waif-like.  I'll always be prone to depression and anxiety (these both obviously run in my family), but I am functioning well within the range of "normal".

When I returned to work after being off for two months (three years ago), my boss/step-dad offered to let me work form home one day per week so that I didn't get over-stressed again.  I've been exercising that privilege ever since.  I was always a bit worried about whether or not I'd be able to handle working a 40-hour week if I had to.  What if I lost this job and had to get another one, with more pressure and fewer accommodations?  

Lately, in the midst of all the nonsense at my workplace, my other boss, who has been assuming more  management duties as my boss/step-dad fades out, let it be known that he wants me working five days per week from now on, in the office.  Feeling that I haven't much choice, I have complied.  And guess what?  It's fine!  I'm fine!  I can do it!

Even a difficult week like this past one, during which I had a termination meeting with someone I've worked closely with for almost ten years, was within my comfort zone, in terms of physical and mental energy.  Weirdly, even though work still sucks right now; even though I lost my work-from-home privileges; even though I had to fire someone whom I feel sympathy for; and even though my job still doesn't feel secure... I'm thrilled!  Tickled pink!

I am a 100% healthy person now.  I'm still someone who needs to take good care of herself.  I still need to take my pills daily (SSRI, iron, vitamin D for SAD).  But I no longer have to think of myself as feeble.  This is a huge positive shift in my identity.  Go me!


LL Cool Joe said...

That's great news! I remember when you became ill, and it was a worrying time, so I'm so glad you are doing so well now. I'm writing this at 3.00am because I've just had a panic attack, so I can relate. Mine is brought on due to worry about my mother, then I started worrying about the large bags that have formed under my eyes since my Dad died. Sigh, life.

That baby is beautiful, and I'm not into babies at all.

Abby said...

Wow, look at you go! I didn't know you back then, but I'm glad to know how far you've come.
And what a precious baby, congratulations to the happy parents. The future looks bright.

Vanessa T said...

That is such an epic, "You GO, Girl!" I remember that dark time, how worried I was for you, how much I prayed for you. I can imagine the exuberance you must feel now to be 100% back on your game. I'm so happy for you, Spark!

And I have to say, that is a beautiful baby. Almost as pretty as my own. :) And I don't say that lightly!

*hugs* Welcome back to you!

Vanessa T said...

Also, please send my congratulations to your cousin and her husband!

Granny Annie said...

Indeed that boy is unusually pretty for a newborn. Congrats to your cousin. It is good that you are healthy and happy. I do hope all of the work situations go well for you.

G. B. Miller said...

Excellent news for you!

Father Nature's Corner

Ginny said...

What a cute baby! Looks so peaceful in that photo.

And yes GO YOU! Glad to read that you're feeling good.

Anonymous said...

Yes, babies usually do look like senior citizen aliens. This baby doesn't look that much like that. Give it a few days. The alienification may still take place.

Gia said...


Congrats on being so much healthier this year! That's awesome!

DarcKnyt said...

Beautiful baby picture. :) No two ways about it.

I remember your trip through the dizzying array of symptoms and mis-diagnoses a few years ago. It was pretty terrifying to watch from this distance; I can't imagine how scary it must have been for your family and friends right around you.

I'm so glad you're better, and while I'm sorry things are going poorly at your job, at least you still have one. That's more than a lot of other people can say right now.

Lynn said...

I remember when you were going through all that - I'm glad that's history!

Really beautiful (and serene) baby.

Jenski said...

I want that baby! I have had serious maternal desires this past year.