I'm Fine, and You?

My cousin had a baby!  He's her first, but most likely not her last.  I heard her talking about the advantages of double-wide strollers.  Here he is at one day old:

Is it just me, or is he uncommonly beautiful for a newborn?  I mean, I love a squishy baby face as much as the next person, but that's usually what you get.  This little guy doesn't look puffy or doughy in the least.

I'm happy for my cousin and her husband.  They're the type of responsible, caring young people who will be excellent parents.  It's nice to know that a baby has everything going for him from Day 1.

In other good news, I am well.  I mean, I'm 100% healthy.  It's not only that I've dodged all the colds that are going around the office (so far); it's more than that.

If you look back in my blog 3 to 4 years ago, I was a mess.  I was pretty seriously anemic, and on top of that I was clinically depressed and chronically anxious.  I would have a panic attack at the slightest provocation.  I was so exhausted all the time that I barely had enough energy to get through each day. For a long time all I did was work and then sleep, more or less.  Then it got worse and for two months I could barely get out of bed.  I had all sorts of medical tests and went to lots of alternative medical practitioners, but no one knew how to help me.  (My depression and anxiety were well-masked by physical symptoms. Of course all the tests came back negative.  I even fooled the local hospital; when I went to the E.R. with what I later realized was a panic attack, they couldn't figure out why my heart was racing or why I felt so weak.  They sent me home after 8 hours and said if it got worse, or didn't improve, I could come back and they'd admit me to the cardiac ward.)

I was finally diagnosed correctly, and started on a low dose SSRI, which I maintain to this day.  I also figured out a way to take iron supplements that doesn't mess up my stomach.  Over the past 3 years my energy and mental health have been slowly but surely improving.  I've gained 20 pounds of mostly muscle, so I no longer look frail and waif-like.  I'll always be prone to depression and anxiety (these both obviously run in my family), but I am functioning well within the range of "normal".

When I returned to work after being off for two months (three years ago), my boss/step-dad offered to let me work form home one day per week so that I didn't get over-stressed again.  I've been exercising that privilege ever since.  I was always a bit worried about whether or not I'd be able to handle working a 40-hour week if I had to.  What if I lost this job and had to get another one, with more pressure and fewer accommodations?  

Lately, in the midst of all the nonsense at my workplace, my other boss, who has been assuming more  management duties as my boss/step-dad fades out, let it be known that he wants me working five days per week from now on, in the office.  Feeling that I haven't much choice, I have complied.  And guess what?  It's fine!  I'm fine!  I can do it!

Even a difficult week like this past one, during which I had a termination meeting with someone I've worked closely with for almost ten years, was within my comfort zone, in terms of physical and mental energy.  Weirdly, even though work still sucks right now; even though I lost my work-from-home privileges; even though I had to fire someone whom I feel sympathy for; and even though my job still doesn't feel secure... I'm thrilled!  Tickled pink!

I am a 100% healthy person now.  I'm still someone who needs to take good care of herself.  I still need to take my pills daily (SSRI, iron, vitamin D for SAD).  But I no longer have to think of myself as feeble.  This is a huge positive shift in my identity.  Go me!