Monday, August 4, 2008

The Big Split - Update

My parents' divorce, initiated in January of this year, is moving along, but slowly, ever so slowly. My step-dad is in no hurry to make it final, although I don't see him deliberately dragging his heels either. He's a busy man, and he left the matter in his lawyer's hands.

The lawyer, seeing that my parents aren't planning to fight each other to the grave over the settlement, put their proceedings down to the bottom of his priority pile. I guess it's not a juicy enough case for him to bother with, financially speaking.

My step-dad is supposedly trying his best to get the lawyer to do some lawyering and move this thing along.

That's the status on the paperwork. I know my mom is anxious to get it all sorted out because there are questions about her financial security that remain to be answered. I have faith that my step-dad will be honourable and fair, but my mom won't have a good night's sleep until she sees it all in writing, in triplicate, signed and witnessed. I can't blame her for that.

Then there's all my step-dad's stuff. His clothes. His books. His exercise equipment. His files. Etc. There is 27 years of accumultated life debris in my mom's house, and in the 6 months since he moved out my step-dad has removed only enough clothes to fill one suitcase, his golf clubs, and a few essential papers. His shoes are still in the front hall. His coat is still in the closet.

The challenge is that he's effectively homeless at the moment. His new lady-friend lives in the Southern U.S. and apparently isn't eager to leave her home to move permanently to Canada. However, all his business is in Toronto, so he can't very well relocate permanently down south. He (he speaks in the singular, but I'm sure it's actually they) have been flying back and forth, living in hotels and short-term rentals, since January. So where is all that stuff going to go?

Ken and I have offered to help my mom pack it all up and ship it into storage, if she wants. She's not ready to take us up on the offer, especially not until the financial agreements are settled. Wisely, she doesn't want to tick him off and possibly compromise his willingness to cooperate in the divorce proceedings.

We'll see what happens when the papers are all finalized. We might be having a bonfire in her backyard.


Claire said...

Oh my. Sounds like trying times, sweetheart.


Warped Mind of Ron said...

I identify with your mother. I need to see things in writing and understand exactly where I stand. To have things just in Limbo would make it difficult for me to sleep. And trust me the day after everything was signed and dated his stuff would be out and in storage.

Aurora said...

27 years of accumulated life debris is a lot to live with when someone has just dumped you. It's too bad she still has to tiptoe around him, literally and figuratively.

unsigned said...

Disco Inferno!

Nilsa S. said...

I can see why she's hesitant right now. But, once those papers are final? She's no longer responsible for him. And it might be a liability to her to keep his stuff (what happens if a fire breaks out in her home - will she have to make a claim for his stuff on her insurance). Not to mention the peace of mind she deserves to have that stuff gone. Hopefully he will come get it. Otherwise, it needs to go to storage. It's his problem, not hers.

Sparkling Red said...

Claire: It could be worse... but there's definite room for improvement.

Ron: I can also identify with my mother. Especially since my step-dad already threw her the world's biggest possible curve ball - why on earth should she trust him now?

Aurora: When his stuff is finally out of the house, she'll have to throw a party to celebrate.

Nilsa: You're right on all counts. I expect she'll call on me to help her pack it all up. That's going to be weird.

Tink said...

Ugh. Divorces suck. But it sounds like this one is going smoother than most. I'll cross my fingers it stays that way.

Nicole said...

Mh - maybe at least packing it into boxes and store it somewhere in the house?
You could even ask him if that's ok with him.
Too bad it's all dragging on and men...)

Sparkling Red said...

Tink: Yup, they're being pretty civilized about it. I'm grateful for that.

Nicole: I've left it totally up to my mom. I think there's a way in which she's not ready to pack up all his stuff just yet. I hope she'll feel ready soon.

jameil1922 said...

i can help you w/that bonfire. as "nice" as your stepfather may be, it's wrong to leave all his stuff at your mom's as a storage facility. she needs to be able to move on just as he has.