Wednesday, October 29, 2008


This post is dedicated to Syb and her unexplained love of stories relating to narcotics.

Unfortunately, every once in a while a patient steals a pad of blank prescription sheets, and decides to write themselves a generous allowance of narcotic medications.

I'm not sure if it's a national or a provincial protocol, but here the pharmacies call and double-check all narcotics prescriptions with the referring doctor's office before filling them. That's how we catch the forgeries.

A few years ago, we got a call from a pharmacy stating that a patient had dropped off a script, supposedly signed by one of our doctors. Needless to say, it was a fake. The pharmacist called the cops. The doctor whose signature had been forged stayed in touch with the police to find out how they would deal with this patient.

The patient was due back at the store shortly to pick up his pills. The pharmacist didn't want the police to confront the patient inside the store, in order to prevent disturbing the other customers. The police felt it would be best for their case if the patient actually paid for the prescription before they apprehended him, otherwise they would have a hard time proving his guilt. But how could the pharmacist fill the prescription and allow the patient to leave the store with a bottle full of pills if the prescription was a forgery?

The pharmacist had a brilliant solution. Use an opaque pill bottle, and fill it with Smarties. That way the bottle wouldn't sound suspiciously empty when handled.

It all went off without a hitch. The forger paid for his bottle of "Percoset" and swaggered confidently out the door, only to be apprehended by the authorities.

I hope the pharmacist put special dosage instructions on the medication label: "Take as needed. Eat the red ones last."


Warped Mind of Ron said...

Did the pharmacy get to keep the money they billed the criminal? Did he use health insurance? If so were they charged for the narcotics? Did the pharmacy give the money to the police? Who paid for the Smarties the police, pharmacy, criminal or health insurance? How many Smarties fit in the bottle? An entire pack or just a partial? If a partial who ate the rest of the smarties?

Anonymous said...

He's a chocoholic.

Sparkling Red said...

Ron: Well, I can tell you who didn't eat the Smarties. I didn't get a single Smartie out of that story. And that is a darn shame, because I really like Smarties.

Unsigned: Do they have methadone treatment programs for chocaholics?

Anonymous said...

I recently found out that Smarties are an entirely different candy south of the border. So, for any American's reading this, replace Smarties with M&Ms.

Smarties in the US are what we Canadians call Rockets.

Warped Mind of Ron said...

Wha?! Smarties = M&M's and Rockets = Smarties sooooo then Rockets must also be M&M's which are Smarties!!!! OMG!!! Brain hurting!! Eyes bulging!!! Arrrrrrgggg!!!!

Sparkling Red said...

Whatigotsofar: Seriously? Wow. That is absolutely staggering. I can't believe that we don't have North American Standard Candy-Naming Conventions. Someone should get on that.

Ron: Just take a deeeeeeeeeeep breath... Hold it... Hold it... Now let it out sloooooooooowly... Very good. Ten more of those and you'll be calmer than a puddle of butter.

Dianne said...

OMG I am laughing so hard at whatigotsofar and ron and International Candy Naming conventions

and now I want chocolate

I have been filling some wicked prescriptions lately and no one has checked anything.

I look so innocent.

nicole said...

One smart pharmacist.
I know that they don't do that in Germany.

Anonymous said...

OOOOHLALA.. I wuvved this:)) And I am a greedy gal.. and want more more more.. I can never get my fill of these stories.. fo real:))


Cheers... A pre-toast in hopes of the next 100 similar tales from you!!


Karen said...

That is classic. What a cleaver plan.

Sparkling Red said...

Dianne: I've known a few people who took it very personally when their pharmacist double-checked the validity of their prescription. They felt better when I let them know that it's standard practice here.
I want chocolate too. ;-)

Nicole: Who knew being a pharmacist could be so exciting? I always thought they just counted pills.

Syb: Of course, as soon as you asked for stories my mind went blank, even though I'm sure I have tons of them. There will be more!

Karen: Very clever! The pharmacist deserves to get an award for being a such a help to the police.

Duck said...

That's totally insane!

Smaries used to be my favorite Halloween 'score' by the way. Even beating Snickers.

Sabrae said...

The links some people will go to get what they need to fill their addictions is beyond me.... So glad that they caught him!

Angel... said...

good post

Sabrae said...

wanted to let you know pics are posted in todays post :)

Jenski said...

Clever pharmacist!