Monday, October 6, 2008

I can haz purspktiv?

I've had a healthy year. This blog will be one year old on October 24, and the last week or so was the first time I've had to deal with a significant health issue since I started writing publicly.

And, wow. I'm grateful for the mirror this blog has been for me this week. I reacted to the news of my anemia pretty much the same way I've always reacted to health challenges, but I've never been brought face-to-face with the extent to which I over-react.

Did you notice the shrill note of panic between the lines of my last post? The tone of OMG AAAAAAAAUUGGGHHH! in my Twitter/Tweets? I wrote half a post yesterday and then deleted it. No matter how I worded my thoughts, they came out sounding like I had Caps Lock on, plus a lot of this !!!!!!1!!1111!!!!!!!!

I had to sit back and ask myself: WTF?

It's just an iron deficiency. At least 10% of women have the same concern. Why am I reacting like I'm going into chemotherapy? Actually, I'm not going to address that question on this blog, because the tedium of all the navel-gazing required might actually cause some of you readers to lapse into a coma.

All you need to know is: sometimes I can be neurotic.

I don't much like myself when I'm in my neurotic mode. My anxieties run away with me, and it's tough to get enough control to pull back and take a moment to think. However, this time I got a grip much more quickly because I wrote down my thoughts and then re-read them, asking myself "what would other people think?"

The first couple of days when I took Palafer, I honestly felt that it gave me weird side effects. I felt heavy all over, then achey, as though I were coming down with the flu. This lasted from ten minutes after I took the dose until two hours later, when it started to wear off. I don't know if this was a "real" effect and now I've adapted, or if it was a psychosomatic symptom that cleared up once I got my head back on again, but this morning I took my dose and I was fine.

A couple of times I thought I felt some aching creeping in, but I didn't panic, thought strong, positive thoughts, and shortly I was feeling fine again.

Whichever way, there's definitely an element of mind over matter at work. I'm glad I got a handle on that sooner rather than later. Thank you Blog, for giving me the perspective I needed!


Warped Mind of Ron said...

Congrats on a healthy year of blogging!! You don't seem to neurotic :) I mean really taking that much iron could do almost anything to you from growing a third arm to mutating into a rust monster.

Karen said...

I am a bit neurotic with my health also - BUT to be honest it is only because I know what can happen when my health slides. So to be honest, neurotic is something good in my opinion.

Dianne said...

I didn't think the previous post sounded that neurotic or over-reactey (ya like that word)

Plus so what if it did. Part of the blogging joy is letting it out. Makes other people sense who you really are and I know most of us can relate to worrying about a health issue.

I'm glad things are sorting themselves out.

Duck said...

Blogs can be a great place to lay out your health fears and neuroses. And I totally understand those posts where you write and write and write, then delete. It seems, oddly enough, that our readers don't mind neurotic and whiny. Bless them :)

Sparkling Red said...

Ron: Thanks! I used to be super-neurotic. Now it just pops up once in a while to remind me why I worked so hard to get out of that state of mind.
Hmm... do you think there's a chance I might turn into a 1930's style robot? Because that would be supercool, even if I did rust a bit.

Karen: It's definitely good to care for one's health. Some people ignore their symptoms for years, until their situation has become very serious. Better to err on the side of caution. :-)

Dianne: Thanks for your support. :-) I hear what you're saying: if I show my fears and flaws, even when I'd rather hide them, it makes for better relationships, online or offline. And I am very human!

Duck: Yes, God Bless our Readers! :-) (readers a.k.a. very good friends)

Keera Ann Fox said...

What a wonderful healing effect. :-)

Katie said...

Congrats on your year of blogging... I love this time of year... I need to get myself some halloween pajamas... I did buy candy corn slippers tho!

unsigned said...

You'll "iron" out that problem! Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha! Oh... Yeah... That was so bad it was good... Yeah... Sorry... I'm just feeling silly today...

Sparkling Red said...

Keera: I got more "therapy" than I bargained for. ;-)

Katie: Candy corn slippers? I didn't know there was such a thing! That's good news!

Unsigned: Wait... you mean there are days when you don't feel silly?

Nilsa S. said...

I think everyone is neurotic to some degree about some aspect in their lives. And that's the glorious thing about blogging. You have your own blog to keep yourself in check. And you have everyone else's blogs to benchmark against to see if your craziness really measures up. It's all good. You're in a transition and allowed a minor freak-out. Glad to hear things are getting back on track.

Claire said...

A year? Well done you!


San said...

I was anemic a few years ago and I started to feel depressed. Low energy will do that.

I'm so glad I have your blog to read. Congratulations on completing your first year!