Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Little Things

Last Sunday I went to Yorkdale mall, where I had occasion to visit one of their recently renovated restrooms.  The only free stall was the large one, generally considered to be for people with disabilities.  The brilliant designer of this washroom was the first to materially acknowledge that the large stall in any ladies' room is more commonly used by mothers with young children.  I was surprised and charmed to find that the stall contained two toilets: a regular-sized Momma toilet and a pint-sized Child Toilet.  I'm sure the Yorkdale Mommas are totally tickled by this development.


The Sea Monkeys are still around.  You haven't heard anything more about them because, I'll be blunt here, the novelty has completely worn off.  At this point, the chore of caring for them is not worth the privilege of watching them swim around their tiny tank.  Within the last week I have twice forgotten to aerate them in the morning and put their tank in the location where they can receive indirect sunlight, as per instructions.  They seem to be doing alright, nevertheless.

The colony is six strong.  The seventh Sea Monkey died a while ago.  She was a rusty red when she was alive.  I found her curled up at the bottom of the tank, dead and black as ink.  Creepy, that.  The handbook says not to remove the corpses, because they become a valuable part of the tank ecosystem.  Now when I bubble the water it's like A Weekend at Bernie's, Sea Monkey style.  The little corpse flies around the tank with all the other junk that usually sits on the bottom.  I imagine the other Sea Monkeys say to each other "Look, she's swimming again!  Ever since she dyed her shell black, she's gone all emo and reclusive.  What a weirdo."

Anyhoo, fear not for the Sea Monkeys.  They have already found an adoptive home.  One of my coworkers kept Sea Monkeys for her kids.  The colony lasted for a year and a half, but eventually they all died.  The kids are sad and miss their shrimpy friends.  All I need to do is find a way of transporting the tank to work without spilling it, and my coworker will take it home.  I know it's a good home to send them to, as I gave that same coworker a plant a few years ago.  I get regular reports on how healthy it is and how big it's grown.  Everyone else I've ever given plants to has killed them.  Never outright murder, but I bet I could convince a jury that it was at least first degree plant-slaughter.


Kate said...

The Weekend at Bernie's reference was perfection.

Warped Mind of Ron said...

Oh.... those little toilets are for kids??? I knew it was a bit awkward, I just figured I had become a giant at some point and didn't realize it....

LL Cool Joe said...

So when you give the Sea Monkeys to the kids will you also give them the dead Emo one or are you keeping that one to eat?

wigsf3 said...

A mommy and me toilet at Yorkdale. Oh damn. I gotta wear a dress and see this.

Juniper said...

I have been so enjoying the right to use disabled toilets, there is so much room, and handles to hold on to! I've used normal toilets a couple of times and end up with one crutch stuck in my ear and tripping over the other one as I manoever around the door. And I'm not a big person.

Every cloud has a silver lining I guess ;-)

Sparkling Red said...

Kate: Thanks! I never actually watched Weekend at Bernie's, but I believe I've experienced the essence of it via the Sea Monkeys.

Ron: I'm going to get one installed in my house so that I'll always feel huge.

LL Cool Joe: Oh, they're getting the dead one. They're getting everything.
I can see eating a dead Sea Monkey as a dare on a reality TV show. It's small, but very, very gross. How much would you have to pay me to eat it? I think I might have to consult with a marine biologist before I give my answer.

wigsf3: Let me know when you're going. What I gotta see is you in a dress!

Juniper: I'm 5'4" and weigh around 115 lbs, and I have trouble getting in and out of some regular washroom stalls. I'm not sure what the minimum stall width is required to be, or clearance between the door and the can, but it's often not enough! If I can't fit, ain't no woman can fit.

Jenski said...

I second Kate! And I'm surprised you have never seen Weekend at Bernie's. It used to be one of those movies that was always on during the weekends here. Glad your sea monkeys are going to a loving house after you tired of them. :-)

DarcsFalcon said...

All emo and reclusive, ROFLMAO!! Spark, you're so funny! :D

I love the baby potties - they have really come in handy. I have to say, trying to maneuver yourself and a little one in one of the tiny stalls really is a pain. Cheers to the potty planners who included the mini-potty feature. :)

Happy Hanukkah hon!

DarcKnyt said...

Wow, this is brilliant. This post is great, and I give it a 10!

Go Sea Monkeys!

Lulú said...

Emo Sea daughter would love those!! Low maintenance, too. ;)

Great post, btw. I just ordered Sea Monkeys for my son (for Christmas), thanks to you. You inspired me! :)