This weekend I was downtown in the Rich People With Filthy Stinking Gobs of Money shopping area. Doing my Christmas shopping? Heavens no. I stopped in to use the facilities. The Rich People Mall has big, clean, well-ventilated washrooms.
My favourite thing about the Rich People Mall, besides the loo, is the pedigree dog parade. This is no special event. It's just a fact of life that many Rich People have one or two fancy shmancy dogs with them at all times, as living accessories. These dogs cannot be mistaken for normal dogs. They are always groomed within an inch of their lives. The furry ones are as fluffy as giant angora bunnies. The ones with short, smooth pelts are polished until they fairly shine. None of them drool, or have crusty bits around their eyes, or have so much as a speck of mud on their paws. I'm sure they all have minty-fresh breath too, or perhaps their breath smells like cloves and cardamom, or Earl Grey tea.
One little doggie trotted by sporting a giant, puffy afro, such that his entire head was a spherical pom-pom. It was so comical that I burst out laughing, and didn't fully stop for awhile. If I worked at one of those doggie salons I don't think I could keep a straight face styling dog hair like that.
Meanwhile, thanks to the internet I have just disovered that the cartoon dog I have always referred to as Afro Dog is officially called Afro Ken. Fantastic!
13 comments:
To make matters worse, those dogs never have dog names (Rex, Rover, Spot, Wolfie), they always have stupid names like: Bella, Star or Gazebo.
Oh come on, I can definitely see you with a handbag dog! ;)
I have an elderly friend who owns
Alfie, a white fuzz ball, who, when she doesn't have him groomed, looks just like a large snowball. I can't remember the breed right now, but it is one that doesn't shed or cause allergies.
I love dogs, but I sure don't want one with me when I'm shopping.
Those rich dogs are so snobby I bet they have butlers to lick all the parts other dogs have to like themselves....
wigsf3: If I ever get a dog, no matter what breed, I am going to name it Gazebo.
LL Cool Joe: I picture myself with a handbag guinea pig.
Kenju: I love the energy of happy, well-behaved dogs when they're enjoying themselves. However, I am essentially a cat person.
Ron: Gross! How much would I have to pay you to take that job. Would you do it for a million dollars a week? But you only get the money if you commit to doing it for at least 8 weeks. Consecutively.
First of all, Afro Ken is hilarious! :D
I get what you mean about the fancy schmancy dogs. I see them everywhere, especially here in Miami. They're usually pomeranians and they're usually named Chloe. (Seriously, I've met three well-groomed pups named Chloe in the past year!).
I got a nice chuckle out of this because all I could picture while reading this was that someone at the Rich People's Mall must have somehow rubbed you the wrong way, and you were just waiting until you got to the cyber world to unleash it.
Well....maybe I didn't picture just that.
I pictured Dennis Leary going off on a tangent with this as well.
BTW: my word verify is "calmor".
Next time you're there, see if you can sneak a phone-cam pic or two. That's got to be a GREAT laugh! :)
They are like accessories! It's kind of sad, like it's breaking the dog code or something. I remember years and years ago seeing a picture of Elizabeth Taylor with a lap dog like that, she was walking around holding it like a football. You just know the real dogs are laughing at all the pretend dogs too.
For Kenju, the little white snowball that doesn't cause allergies is probably a poodle. :)
Hmmm.... 8 million dollars for eight weeks of disgusting??? I would be set for life and could afford all the mouthwash I wanted for the rest of my life!
Lulu: I used to have Afro Ken ankle socks. I am also guilty of having named a pet Chloe, however she was a cat. A very mouthy tabby with a sweet tooth. There was nothing upper crust about her.
G: I would love to hear Dennis Leary's take on spoiled lapdogs. He is a very funny man.
DarcKnyt: Somehow I don't think a photo would capture the comedy. A lot of it is in the way the dogs prance so that their floofy hairdo lofts up and down with each step, and the way they cock their little heads to one side to observe you with their big, glassy, anime-character eyes.
DarcsFalcon: My parents had a show cat once, (a Himalayan), but she didn't realize that she was supposed to be on display. She thought she was a real cat, so she went out and crawled under peoples' porches and got into mud puddles and generally spoiled her floofy coat so badly that we had to get her shaved. Dogs seem more willing to accept being objects on display.
Ron: Even with all the mouthwash money can buy, I'll bet that your breath wouldn't smell like Earl Grey tea. Maybe Earl Grey pee. ;-)
Hahaha! If you ever need a career change, you should look into part-time doggie grooming. You'd always be happy at work (well, maybe not when the owners are around).
BTW, I hear guinea pigs are actually quite good pets. :-)
LOLOL. You are so awesomely nutty!
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