Monday, June 13, 2011

My Life is Like a Fairy Tale

As I suspected: avoiding wheat has not solved all my problems.  Not even all my health problems.  That would've been too easy, right?

Some people believe that each of us has one essential myth that rules our lives.  For some it is the quest, like in Lord of the Rings or Star Wars.  Me?  I'm the girl from The Princess and the Pea.  It's official: I am a real princess!  I swear I could feel that pea through twenty mattresses and twenty eider-down beds.

What assaults have been visited upon my delicate person?  The weather changed by more than 10 degrees Celsius between one day and the next, when we went from a muggy heat wave to nice fresh weather after the storm.  Such temperature swings have proven to be a consistent stress factor.

Then I stayed out until midnight on Friday after a full work week to see my sister perform in a play.  She was brilliant!  Girl, I am so proud of you!! :-D  And I truly did intend leave work early so that I could go home and take a nap.  But one of my staff called in sick two days in a row, and things started stacking up, and the assistant manager had to take her kid to an orthodontist appointment... You get the picture.

I pushed through it all and thought I did OK.

I woke up on Saturday morning with the invisible ankle weights on.  However, after a hard work week I felt the need to get out of my house and enjoy life.  I was only a little tempted to spend all day on the couch.  Ken and I went down to the lake where we enjoyed a wonderful walk by the water's edge.

We saw cool boats and interesting birds and cute dogs.  There was a wedding party photo shoot in one of the parks.  We stopped to look in the public art gallery and watched a glassblower at work in the open studio.  We went into a shop by the docks crammed with marine paraphernalia for boat owners.  There were deck scrubbers and big yellow rain-hats, Canadian flags and skull-and-cross-bones flags, sailor's blue-and-white striped jerseys imported from France, and dozens of different types of rope on huge spools.

We picked our way through an antique store that looked like a giant, dusty garage sale.  Ken's theory was that it was set up to encourage browsers to break things, because that was the only way the owner would convince anyone to pay for the chipped china plates and grubby wineglasses.

We walked around for hours.  I lost track of time and forgot that I was tired.  I did wonder why there were so many people out in shorts and T-shirts while I was bundled up in a sweater, hat, and windbreaker.  I figured they were so desperate for summer that they were all indulging in wishful dressing.  Actually by then I was probably already starting to run a fever, which explains why I was the only one feeling chilly.

I do not regret that walk, or the play, or staying out late, or living my life to enjoy it.  Sometimes I wonder if I'll be half-dead before my doctor figures out that there's something seriously wrong with me.  If I might die young then I want to enjoy everything now.  If I might become progressively more disabled, I'm going to get out and enjoy my outdoor walks, and my fun adventures while I can still have them.  I mean, I'm not utterly convinced that I'm doomed, but it's starting to seem like it's within the realm of possibility. I'd feel awfully stupid if I devoted all of my energy to the office and then found out later that I had no energy left for anything else.

Hope for the best and prepare for the worst; isn't that what they say?

So there you are.  I was feverish and exhausted yesterday.  I cancelled my in-person plans with my girlfriend and we had a phone chat instead.  This morning I felt even worse, but now I'm starting to feel better.  Not sure if I'll be back to work tomorrow.  We'll see what happens overnight.

I have been avoiding wheat all along.  I haven't been tempted to try it again.  Life's tricky enough without taking another risk.  When I'm feeling well enough I'm going to make my re-wheat trial a conscious choice, in case it does make me feel like crap again.  I'm going to get a really delicious cupcake.  I can think of a specific one I want.  I know exactly where I'm going to go to get it, and I plan on enjoying every bite.  I'll definitely let you know how it goes, when I'm bold enough to give it a try.

9 comments:

Warped Mind of Ron said...

Hope this passes quickly and certainly hope they figure something out about what the root cause of this is.

DarcKnyt said...

I sure hope things turn out all right. I'd hate to think of you as anything less than that Spark you are now.

I'll pray for you, hon.

Pixiebaby said...

I can relate to this post so well. I am sorry to hear that you're feeling so badly right now, but glad that you got to do the things you did over the weekend and that you enjoyed it all so much. Hopefully your doctor will give you answers soon, and that they will be able to help you feel better somehow. I'm going through a similar time right now. With the fever and feeling so worn out. I just know that tomorrow I will be laid up because I went to my dad's and cut grass for four hours today plus did laundry! Thank goodness for the riding lawn mower, but all the bouncing...ouch! Despite all of that, it felt so good to get out in the fresh air today and get some sun on my skin. I've been laid up for the last week and basically forced myself to go do that today, even though I know that I'll pay for it, I'm not sorry either. :) Have your doctors tested you for various conditions? If so and they've ruled it out, have they explored Chronic Fatigue Syndrome? It is among the conditions that I have and is the one the brings on the fevers and swollen glands and invisible weights...among other things. Just wondering if this might be part of your issue? Please rest and take care of yourself. *hugs*

DarcsFalcon said...

When we had cable and watched TV, I used to come across this medical mystery show that detailed cases where people had some kind of ailment that doctors couldn't correctly identify for years. It was really fascinating. On Discovery Health or something like that. It's real detective work tracking down what the cause it - whether it's dietary, environmental, genetic, etc.

A fever makes me think it's an infection. It bugs me not knowing how to figure it out, I can't begin to imagine how you must feel! So I will keep praying that the docs will figure it out and are able to treat you so that you feel as healthy as you want to be. Spark should sparkle. :) Hope you feel better soon hon.

Lynn said...

That sounds like a delightful walk with your husband.

And that sounds more like an infection of some sort to me, given that you were so tired and that developed a fever. I'm no doctor though.

(I see that DarcsFalcon is saying pretty much the same thing.)

Sparkling Red said...

Thanks Ron! Me too.

DarcKnyt, you're a sweetie. Thanks for the prayers.

Pixiebaby, I have been tested for rheumatoid arthritis and lupus, both of which came back negative. West Nile virus was also negative. One blood test showed elevated levels of Anti-Nucleic Antibodies, which supposedly could indicate an auto-immune disfunction, however that never lead to an actual diagnosis. I have mentioned CFS to my g.p., and all he did was write it in my file with a question mark next to it. My understanding is that one needs to have a spinal tap done to truly diagnose the coxsackie virus, so I'm not in a big hurry to go down that road. Plus I don't have the official symptoms: sore throat, excruciating joint pains, etc. ongoing for at least 6 consecutive months - thank God! So I'm still floating in this grey area where officially there's nothing wrong with me.
I hope you don't pay too dearly for that mower ride!

DarcsFalcon: Yes! Mystery Diagnosis! I am an ongoing episode of that show. I used to love watching it when I had cable because it makes all medical problems seem resolvable.

To both Lynn and DarcsFalcon: In normal adults fever is a reaction to infection or inflammation, but it can also be caused by many other factors. http://www.emedicinehealth.com/fever_in_adults/article_em.htm

Lynn, the walk was so wonderful. I was careful to memorize all the prettiest scenes so that I can replay them at will when I'm stuck indoors.

DarcsFalcon said...

It's easy to forget that you've investigated this far more than I have. We keep coming at it like you've never thought of something, when, no doubt, you're light years ahead of our thinking!

ileana said...

You make that cupcake sound so tempting and delicious! Hope you can enjoy it soon, amiga.

Your walk by the lake sounds like the perfect artist date (something I'll be doing next month when I read "The Artist's Way"). It was like a mini vacation just reading about it.

Glad you are able to enjoy these moments and I hope you are feeling better soon, so you can get out there again and keep enjoying those special moments!

Sparkling Red said...

DarcsFalcon: I'm always open to suggestions. You never know who will cast a ray of light on the "obvious" solution that no one else has thought of. :-)

Ileana: Yes, I felt that I had been on a lovely, refreshing vacation. One good side of having this condition is that I've learned to enjoy good things fully while they last. All we've got is this moment, for reals!