The Other Side of the Story

This is a sequel to BFF: A History. After I painted such a dismal picture of my treatment at the hands of so-called "friends", I feel the need to confess my own bad friend sins.

I started young. When I was between four and six years old, I used to play with the girl next door who was a year older than me. Because of that age difference, my mother believed me every time I said "But she told me to do it!". So the older girl took all the heat for our mischief.

As often as not, I masterminded the troublemaking. Like putting our used chewing gum into my mother's box of powdered laundry soap. Aren't kids great?

In grade school, the girl who lived five doors down from me had everything I envied: a proper dad, an older sister, a dog, a cat who bore litters of kittens, a room decorated in a Holly Hobby theme, and the best sticker collection ever. I obnoxiously invited myself over much too often so that I could cuddle the kittens, and then I pressured her into trading all her best stickers away, until she refused to trade with me anymore.

I had a girlfriend through high school and university upon whom I projected all my own insecurities. Her behaviour drove me crazy, but that was because it reflected the worst of my own self. We went out for lunch at a restaurant one day after I'd read a few pop psychology paperbacks, and was into speaking my mind. I tactlessly dumped all my criticisms out on the table, until she was crying into her plate.

Later we tried to mend our relationship, after I admitted that I'd been an ass, but it was never the same. I made another lunch date with her, and then forgot about it and stood her up. I blame my forgetfulness on the fever I was running that day. But that's not a good enough excuse. I truly regret having ruined that relationship, because she's a very bright, creative, and unique woman. My loss.

Presently, I can be a bad friend in the following ways:

I'm not a fan of the telephone, so I don't call my friends often enough, nor do I reliably accept their calls.

I have a profound distaste for travel, so I have never visted my friends in BC despite countless invitations to do so. One girlfriend has offered to pay half my air fare, and I still haven't gone.

I'm moody, so sometimes when I do get together with friends, I'm kind of a downer, or at least very quiet. Other times, I'm brilliant and hilarious! Who wants to flip the coin?

Due to some issues with auto-immune function I'll go through phases when I'm very reluctant to plan outings, or I'll cancel plans because of not feeling well. Technically that's not my fault, but it does make me unreliable, which is a bad quality in a friend.

Have you ever been a bad friend?