Thursday, December 4, 2008


I'm getting better, slowly but surely.

When I put my feet on the floor first thing in the morning, I don't feel pain.  My soles are still a little spongey upon waking, but that's a big improvement over last week's grinding and aching.

The hives aren't blooming up with quite such alarming frequency as last week.  There's still the odd one here and there, but generally they seem to be fading.

My back is still giving me the gears.  Yesterday, I was ready to break down in tears at my desk.  Doing my usual stats data entry, right hand on the number pad of my keyboard, was torture.  I tried using my left hand to type the numbers.  That was ridiculously slow.  Then I smartened up and remembered that I had Tylenol in my desk drawer.  Later, I was grateful to score an emergency appointment with my massage therapist.  Today ez mucho improve-o.

At my massage therapist's advice I bought a two-pack of Hot Bags on my way home today.  You know, those cotton sacks full of beans or grain or some such that you can microwave for heat therapy.  On the first try I overheated the neck bag and seared my skin, but after I got the temperature sorted out, I fell in love.  I would like to duct tape the Hot Bags to my body and wear them all winter long.

My big challenge in the past 24 hours was fighting sneaky panic attacks.  They come out of nowhere, like when I'm sleeping peacefully or innocently doing yoga poses.  All of a sudden I feel faint, nauseous, and completely freaked out.  I recognize the symptoms for what they are, and I can calm myself down with a little sensible self-talk in short order, but dang it's no fun.  Especially waking up into panic in the middle of the night.  That is extra no-fun.

I find myself feeling nostalgic for an herbal product that is no longer on the market.  Botanozac: it was a mix of sedative and nervine herbs.  Thirteen years ago, my life was in transition and I wasn't coping very well.  I was working in a health food store.  I started taking Botanozac.

This stuff really chilled me out.  You have to understand where I was starting from; when the store staff played the game "If so-and-so was an animal, what animal would he or she be?", the consensus for me was "squirrel".  So, yeah, straight up I was a little jumpy.  But when I was on Botanozac?  Eeeeeeverything was just peachy keen okay!

A customer returned a large jug of some corrosive chemical.  I can't remember what exactly, but something that should be diluted down to 1/10 strength for washing pesticides off produce.  The lid was loose.  I picked up the jug to take it back to the stockroom, and a big splash of the stuff slopped onto my foot, burning the skin instantly.  I had taken Botanozac that day.  I looked at my foot and thought "Huh, that's interesting."  I could feel the pain and yet I couldn't feel the pain.

Yup, that was good stuff.  I told two of my co-workers about it, and of course because they were young people who thought it would be hilarious to get stoned at work, they took some.  They didn't count on how strong it was.  Within an hour they were both swooning against the walls, and complaining about how they wanted to just lie on the floor and sleep for ten hours.  I guess if you start out at "squirrel" Botanozac takes you down to "human".  If you start out at "human" it takes you down to "slug".

Now that I think about it, I don't really want to take anything that would make me sleep any more.  I'm already needing 9 or 10 hours just to get by.  I keep thinking of all the things I could accomplish if I just had that extra hour or two back in each of my days.  Speaking of which, I'm passing out.  I'm off to bed.  Goodnight!


Warped Mind of Ron said...

Glad your massage went well, I think I should try that. Hmmm... do they come with a happy ending? Oh, and don't duct tape those heat things to you because then you would have to go in the microwave to warm them up and I don't think that is a good thing. And you are a "Squirrel" OMG... I'm going to have to try to wrap my head around that and try not to panic... to late!!! Panic!!!

Anonymous said...

I wonder which worker was the dung beetle?

Sparkling Red said...

Ron: Not THAT kind of happy ending! But I'm definitely happier at the end than at the beginning. LOL Not to worry - my microwave isn't big enough for me to climb inside. That's how you know I'm not actually a squirrel, because I could easily fit a squirrel inside my microwave.

Unsigned: I don't get it.

jameil1922 said...

I try not to think about all of the different things I could accomplish if I had an extra hour. Those hours are gone and I can't get them back. Those hot bean bags sound FAB! The gears? I have no clue what that is. Botanozac sounds scary! Lol.

NicoleB said...

Glad you start to feel better!
I love those bags, I have a whole bunch of them :)

Hope that Panic stuff will sort itself out soon :(
Have you ever tried other herbs?


Dianne said...

I got an attachable numeric keypad

that way I can move it around a lot, anywhere

when my back is having a bad day data entry is like torture

I hope you continue to feel better

San said...

I haven't had a massage in years, but my husband gave me an unexpected backrub the other morning and my muscles began to liquify. Heaveny.

I'm glad you're feeling better, and damn, I wish they still made that Botanozac which was so helpful. Do you know why they stopped production? Was the slug population getting out of hand?

Take care...

Keera Ann Fox said...

Sounds to me like Bach's Rescue Remedy or valerian root/tea could be alternatives to botanozac (which I have never heard of).

Good thing that you can talk yourself out of such strong panic attacks. Admirable!

Sparkling Red said...

Jameil: Giving someone "the gears" is an expression I've heard, which means essentially that you're giving someone a hard time. I don't know where it came from. I think I first heard it from my ex in the mid-90's.

NicoleB: I was thinking I should get myself some Avena Sativa (wild oat), however after 1.5 days the problem went away by itself, so, yay!

Dianne: That moveable keypad sounds like a great idea. I'll be looking into that if my shoulder doesn't clear up pronto. :-)

San: I'm guessing they discontinued Botanozac because it was too effective! Maybe people were getting stoned on it and driving, or something like that.

Keera: I keep Bach's Rescue Remedy at work in my desk drawer, by my bed, and (on bad days) in my purse. I am definitely sold on it! I've never tried Valerian because I've heard tell that it leaves the taste of old gym socks in your mouth.

Scarlet said...

I liked your description of Botanozac, especially the Squirrel to Human, Human to Slug part. :)

Sounds like we could all use a little Botanozac in our lives every now and then. I, for one, will look into it...and let you know if I find it online.

I hope you continue to feel better.