Up from the Darkness

My progress is "miraculous".  This from a medical doctor.  It's as though Glinda the Good Witch of the East touched my brain with her magic wand of calm and contentment.  I may not be quite back to my old self yet, but I'm not far off.  A few more days and I'll find out what happens when I surpass my old self and go even further away from fear, if that's in the cards.

I've always been relatively anxious.  I've fought my fears for as long as I can remember.  Will a day come when it's no longer a struggle?  Could I just relax into acceptance and faith instead of constantly having to talk myself up into deliberate optimism?  A friend told me the other day that sometimes my cheerfulness strikes her as a bit desperate.  She's a perceptive one.

This past week has been busy.  I made some resolutions to boost my confidence in my ability to take care of myself and others, such as learning to cook properly so that I can host people at my home, and spending time every day enriching my supportive relationships.  I have been too introverted for my own good.  I need a bigger dose of quality human contact in my life.

Since Sunday I have:

• Successfully cooked two kinds of vegetable stew (one based on eggplant, one on butternut squash).
• Signed up for e-mail updates from the Better Homes and Gardens website, so that I'm constantly being reminded of my resolution to become a hostess with the mostest.  I'm allowing myself to enjoy the creative entertaining and decorating ideas, rather than sneering at them, even if some of them are silly.
• Spent Hallowe'en with good friends and their 4-year-old son.
• Had dinner at my parents' house (Ken cooked meatloaf wrapped in bacon with perfect green beans and mashed potatoes with gravy).
• Returned to work!  I've been able to tolerate it for up to 6 hours at a time.  It's really good to be back.
• Seen the therapist who works with the psychiatrist I'm seeing, and she was so impressed with my progress and on-the-right-trackness that we agreed there was no need for us to book a series of weekly appointments.  I will call her only when I need some help getting over any roadblocks.

Apparently it takes 6-8 weeks for most people to get back to this much functioning after the kind of breakdown I had.  Can you say "2.5 weeks since I was barely able to get out of bed"?  Ya.  I'm a bouncy one.  Thank God.*

*I mean that literally.  I've been praying lots, and I have felt my old friend JC boosting me up.  It's been a long time since the two of us hung out.  It's a good thing.  There's one more relationship I plan to nurture!