Thursday, November 3, 2011

Up from the Darkness

My progress is "miraculous".  This from a medical doctor.  It's as though Glinda the Good Witch of the East touched my brain with her magic wand of calm and contentment.  I may not be quite back to my old self yet, but I'm not far off.  A few more days and I'll find out what happens when I surpass my old self and go even further away from fear, if that's in the cards.

I've always been relatively anxious.  I've fought my fears for as long as I can remember.  Will a day come when it's no longer a struggle?  Could I just relax into acceptance and faith instead of constantly having to talk myself up into deliberate optimism?  A friend told me the other day that sometimes my cheerfulness strikes her as a bit desperate.  She's a perceptive one.

This past week has been busy.  I made some resolutions to boost my confidence in my ability to take care of myself and others, such as learning to cook properly so that I can host people at my home, and spending time every day enriching my supportive relationships.  I have been too introverted for my own good.  I need a bigger dose of quality human contact in my life.

Since Sunday I have:

  • Successfully cooked two kinds of vegetable stew (one based on eggplant, one on butternut squash).
  • Signed up for e-mail updates from the Better Homes and Gardens website, so that I'm constantly being reminded of my resolution to become a hostess with the mostest.  I'm allowing myself to enjoy the creative entertaining and decorating ideas, rather than sneering at them, even if some of them are silly.
  • Spent Hallowe'en with good friends and their 4-year-old son.
  • Had dinner at my parents' house (Ken cooked meatloaf wrapped in bacon with perfect green beans and mashed potatoes with gravy).
  • Returned to work!  I've been able to tolerate it for up to 6 hours at a time.  It's really good to be back.
  • Seen the therapist who works with the psychiatrist I'm seeing, and she was so impressed with my progress and on-the-right-trackness that we agreed there was no need for us to book a series of weekly appointments.  I will call her only when I need some help getting over any roadblocks.

Apparently it takes 6-8 weeks for most people to get back to this much functioning after the kind of breakdown I had.  Can you say "2.5 weeks since I was barely able to get out of bed"?  Ya.  I'm a bouncy one.  Thank God.*

*I mean that literally.  I've been praying lots, and I have felt my old friend JC boosting me up.  It's been a long time since the two of us hung out.  It's a good thing.  There's one more relationship I plan to nurture!


Warped Mind of Ron said...

So glad to hear you are on the path to recovery! Hope you keep up this sort of progress, cause then you will be able to ship me one of those meatloaf wrapped in bacon thangs!!!!

LL Cool Joe said...

Wow it sounds like a miracle! It's so good to read that everything seems so much better for you!

And even better to hear that you and JC are pally again!

DarcKnyt said...

That relationship with JC -- it's good for what ails ya. He's all about the be-of-good-cheer and worry-not-for-anything, and that whole book o' Philippians is a piece of that. :)

We'll keep you covered on this end too. :)

Jenski said...

Wow! Wonderful! You were CLEARLY ready to return to life. Life really kicked your anxiety in high gear; glad you are nipping that sucker in the bud.

Lynn said...

Awesome news!!!!

Granny Annie said...

There is a lot going for you in the way of support, prayer and well wishes. This is a beautiful report card today.

pixiegarden said...

Spark! I am jumping up and down for joy...honestly. It's great to hear how well you are doing. You are definitely a bouncy one ;) Sounds like you are really enjoying the cooking. Maybe you can post a few good recipes from time to time when you go pro! Keep taking good care of yourself my friend. You're a good egg. *HUGS*

DarcsFalcon said...

Oh Spark! This is wonderful news! Amen and Hallelujah! :D I am so happy for you, in more ways than one.

You keep getting better, and I'll keep praying for you. *hugs*