Tuesday, November 6, 2007

Rinse and Spit

Today's highlight: scaling.

I'm considering writing a letter of complaint to my dentist regarding his hygenist. I'm pretty sure that she carved her name into my gums with her pointy tools, several times, on each available surface. If I can just fit my digital camera inside my mouth, I'll have undeniable proof.

Also, while I appreciate the advantages of having my teeth cleaned with a high-speed water jet instead of abrasive pumice paste, I do feel that there is still room for improvement with this technology. Specifically, someone needs to invent a way to make it silent, or maybe introduce sweet and soothing sounds, like wind chimes in an evening breeze. Because while I'm trying to be cool about having my gums needled by pin-sharp blasts of water, the last thing I want to be listening to is the frantic death-squeals of one hundred thousand hyper-sonic guinea pigs.

That's, like, really irritating. Especially after 20 minutes or more.

So if you are a dental tool innovator, I would appreciate if you would get on that one pronto. Why not start tonight? And make sure you've got it finished and sold to my dentist before my next appointment, okay?


Stewie said...

My dentist's hygenist is super hot and she can do whatever the hell she wants to me and I won't complain.

I think she knows it, too.

Maybe you need to find a dentist with a super hot hygenist.

Sparkling Red said...

I like that idea!

At the dentist, you have permission to drool as much as you want. So if you were to start salivating over the superhot hygenist (who would have to be wearing pleather shortie scrubs), s/he could just hook that sucker tube over your lip. Presto! Drool problem, solved.