Change for the Better

So do you remember that post about how I was sad because I couldn't invite my family to my wedding?  And how I said that Ken and I both agreed that it was for the best and he wasn't going to invite his family either?

Well...  The truth is more along these lines: I wanted to be able to invite at least my parents, but Ken felt very strongly otherwise.  So strongly, in fact, that in the end I agreed with him in order to put an end to his distress.  He doesn't have a big family, and the idea of inter-familial tensions on our big day totally freaked him out.  I didn't want him to be miserable about the prospect, and I thought that he did have a point about people possibly not getting along, so I agreed to his wishes.

Not only that, but I figured that if I agreed, the decision became my responsibility too.  So I didn't run around telling everyone "Ken won't let me invite you".  I said that we had made a decision together and we both agreed that it was for the best.  I mean, it's our wedding.  If I can't make a show of solidarity around that, what's the point?

And I was cool with that.  Sad, yes, but accepting of the situation.  Ken lets me have my way 95% of the time, so when he feels really strongly about something I certainly don't resent compromising for him. 

Then.  Then he changed his mind.

Now, let's press the pause button a moment here.  Before you judge Ken, you should know that for every finger I'm pointing at Ken right now I've got way more than four pointing back at me.  In the history of our relationship, I'm the waffler.  Lately not so much, but in our early years Ken put up with time after time when I'd drive him crazy by changing my mind on important issues.  He owes me more than one.

Still.  This is major crazy-making material here.  I was all "Aaaaaah!  Dude, you are really messing with my feelings here!"  I mean, I'd spent all this time trying to find just the right words in order to let my friends and family down gently.  Even so it broke my heart to hear the disappointment of my three at-the-time not-invited parents when they found out they were being were excluded.  My friends all tried to be understanding, but I could see it made them melancholy.  That was some tough emotional drama, and it was all for nothing?

Then I calmed down and realized that this means I get to invite some people that I couldn't invite before, and decided to just be relieved and happy that it turned out this way.  We sure took the long way round getting here, but we're here nonetheless.

Ken decided that he wants to invite his parents, his brother, and a couple of friends.  That means that I get to invite all my parents and my good friends too.  Hurray!  Well, we left it kind of late, so my birth father and step-mom have already made an unchangeable work commitment for that weekend... so they won't be there.  *sadness*  But at least my step-dad will be there.  And it'll be really sweet to have my friends too.

For the record, the reason Ken re-thought the whole idea was that we learned around one month ago that his Dad's cancer came back.  He's in treatment now, but no one knows exactly how this will play out.  Somewhere along the line, Ken's wish for his Dad to be present at our wedding overrode his fears of family strife.  And lo a happy ending: love conquers fear, this time.  Thank God.

And if any of you are prayer-sayers, you might want to say one for Ken's dad Drew and the whole family.  They can use all the support they can get.