Saturday, April 9, 2011


I made it.  Got through the crazy week.  As if firing that nice woman wasn't enough, I also had to call the police on Thursday because an angry husband-and-wife couple phoned my workplace to make some threats. When I wouldn't meet their unreasonable demands, they promised me that they were on their way in to cause a ruckus.  They did show up a little more than an hour later, and there were some very tense moments while I and one other manager dealt with them.  In the end the worst thing that happened was some harsh words and the man pounding his fist on our countertop in frustration.  The situation was handled, mostly thanks to the other manager, who knew them as clients who had been to our facility many times before.  But still.  It was a worry-filled day until it was clear that nothing serious would come of it.

I guess I'm taking the opportunity of these challenging times to deal with some other downers that have been at the back of my mind.  If I'm going to feel grim I may as well deal with everything on the list, right?  Then I can get over it all and get back to being happy and grateful for life.

The other thing I'm trying to come to terms with is that I've lost a friend.  I'm not sure why.  Last time I saw her was last fall when she was going through some tough times.  She was depressed and in the middle of a financial crunch.  I think I did a decent job of being there for her.  We hung out and talked in person and on the phone, and in the end I loaned her $120 to get her through to the end of a tight month.  I didn't care whether or not I ever saw that cash again.  I know people well enough not to loan my friends anything I might resent later.

That was the last I saw of her.  I called her several times since then, but the one time she did pick up the phone, we were "disconnected" and she never called back.  I know that her phone is kind of wonky, and we'd been disconnected in the past, but she had always found a way to get back to me later, even if it meant calling from work.  I also sent her a few e-mails, and only got one in return.  The subject line said "Hi."  There was nothing in the body of the e-mail.

I guess that's it.  She was a good friend when she was around.  I miss her.  Lately I've been thinking of her every day, resisting the urge to call or e-mail one more time.  I have a bad habit of chasing people who have rejected me, which only compounds the my pain in the end.  She may yet show up again, on her own schedule, but for now I have to find my way through to where I can let go.  I've had to do that before for other friends.  It always takes me a really long time.


DarcKnyt said...

I'm sorry about your friend. My wife's going through something similar, but she's on the other end. She feels tired of a situation wherein she's not being treated the way she feels she deserves to be treated, and in taking stock of the relationship, she realized she had nothing in common -- at any time -- with the other person. Now a straw has broken the camel's back and she has to deal with that somehow.

It's never easy, pleasant, or fun. I guess I missed the part about firing someone somewhere, so I'm off to check older posts.

Have a good weekend, Spark.

Jameil said...

Wow! So much drama at the job! I'm glad everything eventually calmed down. I'm woefully experienced at losing friends. But it's usually me terminating toxic relationships. IDK what's going on with your friend. Maybe she feels bad about the money and doesn't know you don't care. Maybe she's still depressed and doesn't know how to talk about it.

Jenski said...

Glad it is the weekend and you can rest and/or have some fun. I hope you can slowly get used to not having the friend around. Jameil has some good takes; maybe the friend will be back someday.

Ron said...

Sounds like an interesting week, but at least it's over! Commence with the relaxing!! Woo Hoo!!

Anonymous said...

Yeah I am sorry to hear about your friend. Reminds me of that youtube video about the train. Sometimes people that are close to you just get off at a stop and you find yourself traveling with different people. Give your friend some time, they will be back. Zman sends

Sparkling Red said...

DarcKnyt: Breaking up is never easy, whether it's with a lover, a friend, or a close co-worker. I wish your wife all the best in drawing that difficult situation to a close.

Jameil: I suspect you're right about those things. I wish that she would have returned my calls or e-mail messages so that I could have reassured her. I've been dealing with my own stuff, as you know, and haven't had the energy to go to great lengths to pursue her. After a point I figure if she can't meet me in the middle, then maybe it's just not a good friendship for me right now.

Jenski: This friend and I have gone a few years without being in touch in the past, and then found our way back to each other, so that could happen again. Then again, I had another friend who dropped off the radar in a similar fashion. We had been super-close and her sudden disappearance really threw me into a deep grief. Then she came back, and I accepted her return gratefully. Then guess what? She disappeared again! Fool me once... etc. I just don't want to go through that again.

Ron: Word. I am also drowning my sorrows in cookies, chocolate, hot cross buns, and peach smoothies. It helps a little. *burp*

Zman: It's true. People come and go. I'm clingy in that respect; I don't let people go easily when the time comes. I have to remember that I still have lots of good people in my life. It's not like I'm all alone. More people will get on the train at the next stop. I like that image. :-)

Pixiebaby said...

What a week you've had! Sure hope this week will be better for you. Sorry about your friend...that's difficult. *hugs*

Lynn said...

I lost a friend like that and was never sure why - just wanted to make sure I hadn't hurt her feelings or something (although I was sure I hadn't.) So I decided that if that friendship was meant to be, she would get in touch. And she hasn't, so there you are.

G said...

I've had a few friends like that.

My best man at my wedding was like that.

We were tight throghout high school and up to my wedding (we even shared an apartment with my girlfriend at the time).

But once I got married, we wound up going our separate ways. We saw each other with less frequency and eventually he fell off the radar.

Last time that I'd seen him was summer 2007.

Was always hard to stay friends with him because it was always me that had to make the intial contact for anything. Whenever I didn't, weeks would go by before I would have to make the intial move again.

ileana said...

I wonder if it has anything to do with the money she feels she owes you and not being able to pay it back.

I've been in situations like yours a few times, and I try to not take it personally, but it's hard not to. I consider myself a good friend to those I choose to hang out with, but sometimes they have different reasons for sticking around. It hurts when you get cut off but sometimes it's time to move on and meet other people, loyal and socially stable, more like us.

I wish you the best. If she doesn't return phone calls and just puts a "hi" in an e-mail, there's not much you're getting from her. You deserve better friends...and I know you'll find more.

Hugs, Ily

powdergirl said...

What ileana said. She's probably having that wrong reaction some people get when they're feeling 'beholden' to someone. sucks though : (

LL Cool Joe said...

Boy I can relate. My recent depression is due to a friend I lost. 4 years of communicating every day, and then suddenly she ended it. Almost over night. Then she read my blog and thought everything I wrote was connected to her (it wasn't) and called me a jerk. I decided not to reply to her anymore because I could see we were slowly destroying what we once had. I miss her, but know it's too late to repair the damage.

I'm still shell shocked because i never saw it coming.

Sparkling Red said...

Pixiebaby: Thanks. Tomorrow is a new day, and I'm sure it will be a better week.

Lynn: Sometimes it goes like that. Although I can't imagine treating anyone that way. I've never up and disappeared on a good friend. I just wouldn't be able to even if I semi-wanted to.

G: It's no good when a friend doesn't meet you at least approximately halfway. I figure if someone doesn't want to see me enough to take the initiative at least some of the time, then maybe it's time to let it go.

ileana: Thanks! You guys all should move to Toronto so that we can hang out and have tea and go to movies together. ;-)

powdergirl: I guess it was kind of an unbalanced relationship because I always had money and she never did. I'd take her out to a restaurant and then she'd have me over and cook for me. I felt that her home-cooking was at least as valuable as the bought meals that I was giving to her. Did she feel otherwise? I guess the money-lending was the final straw. But I couldn't say no to her... she was out of cat food for her kitties! It's not fair that being nice killed the friendship.

LL Cool Joe: That SUCKS. I went through that with a friend around ten years ago. I went through all the stages of grief and then some. Hang in there - that kind of heartbreak does take a lot of time to heal. But you'll get there.

DarcsFalcon said...

How scary with the angry couple! Those situations can be so volatile. I know cops hate them because more of them die during domestic disturbance calls than any other types of calls. People are so unpredictable.

I'm sorry about your friend. It is a grieving process we go through, and sometimes it can be tough to sort through. Once I read a poem sort of thing that described it that you have to decide if what you're putting into the relationship is worth what you're getting out of it. Sometimes it can be hard to make that evaluation. One day at a time, right? *Hugs* and prayers for you, Spark.

ileana said...

I'd love to hang ou with you and have tea...and if you're ever in Miami... :)