What do wireless networking and cantaloupe have in common?

I got my blood test results.  They were reassuringly and frustratingly normal.  I have one hormone that's a little low, and I could stand to take more vitamin D.  I am no closer to understanding my strange bouts of aching fatigue.

I brought the test results to Dr. H (the ex-MD turned homeopath).  He gave me another go at the machine that goes FWEEEP, this time testing for food sensitivities and, subsequently, the condition of my internal organs.  Nothing special came out of the organ testing.  When it came to food sensitivities, a few more no-no's were tacked onto my existing list: mushrooms; cantaloupe; cane sugar; all forms of vinegar; green tea; and chocolate.  That's right: the machine said that sugar and chocolate should be completely eliminated from my diet.  :-ppppp  That's all I have to say about that.

After the machine testing, I was ushered into Dr. H's consulting room.  I swear, the man talked at me non-stop for over an hour.  He has a lot of opinions, and while I do believe that some of what he had to say might prove to be useful, the more he talked the more my impression of him dimmed.

Dr. H is an extremist.  If I hadn't spent 4 years working in the alternative health industry in my early 20's, I probably would have been overwhelmed by everything he said, and I might have tried to implement all of his suggestions.  Fortunately, I've long since learned the lesson that there is a law of diminishing returns.  Some lifestyle changes are worth making: like eating more vegetables.  Others aren't worth the trouble.  I'm picky enough about everything in my life without adding unnecessary rules.  The line between fastidious health maintenance and paranoia is a blurry one.

Here are some of the notes I made during my meeting with Dr. H:

• Discontinue all use of wireless electronics immediately.
• Battery alarm clock - not plug-in.
• Get rid of microwave oven.
• Walk barefoot on wet grass.
• 4-day rotation diet.

I am not planning to follow up on any of these suggestions.  Yes, I do believe that I am sensitive to electromagnetic fields.  I got rid of my electric blanket for that very reason.  However, were we to shut down our wireless network, our home would still be flooded by signals from the 19 of our neighbours whose wireless networks are available from our living room.  We may as well leave ours on and enjoy it. 

With regards to the other suggestions, I must wake up with the CBC morning news.  Nothing else will do.  I refuse to trade my clock-radio for a travel alarm clock that ticks in my ear all night, then wakes me up with ugly beeping and honking.

Eliminate all use of microwave ovens?  Let me get this straight.  I am not supposed to store my food in plastic containers.  I am not supposed to eat food made with yeast, which eliminates bread (and bagels!) and therefore sandwiches.  I am not supposed to heat food in a microwave oven.  And I'm not supposed to eat fast food.  Gee, looks like I won't be eating lunch on work days anymore!  Unless I care to consume cold leftovers, which I would need to bring to work in a glass jar.

See how easily these things can get out of hand?

Other things he told me.  The FWEEEPing machine indicates that I am sensitive to mould.  No headline news there.  Mould isn't good for anybody.  What else?  He claims that I have the "imprints" for Lyme disease.  Did I spend much time in the country as a child?  Go camping?  Ride horseback? Have I ever been bitten by a tick? No, no, no, and not to the best of my knowledge.  Could I have been bitten by a tick and not known it?  I suppose anything is possible.  Considering that there is no definitive blood test for Lyme, we'll probably never know.  Personally, I think it's very unlikely.

So, what does he want to do next?  Test me on the FWEEEPing machine to see which supplements would be best for me.  OK, I'm game.  What else?  He has something he calls the Biocomp which supposedly emits vibrations which cancel out the bad imprints he found, like the one for Lyme disease.  Well, I'm not so sure about that, but I suppose it's worth a try.  

The bottom line is that he's not nearly as cutting-edge and knowledgeable as I had hoped.  Most of the advice that he gave me consisted of things I've heard a hundred times before.  EMF = bad.  Organic = good.  Black mould = bad.  Please, tell me something I don't know.

I thought he might have access to European studies on alternative medicine that no one is paying attention to yet in North America.  I thought he might have run studies himself.  I thought he might be able to do decisive tests to find out what is actually wrong with me, if anything.  Sometimes I think that I'm fine and it's the world that's just too much: too tiring, too polluted, too screwed up.

As my hopes faded away, I have to admit that my disappointment turned into a feeling of depression that has stuck with me for the past few days.  I'll get over it.  I'm actually doing alright these days.  I'm tired, but not to the point of shuffling.  I'm a little achey today, but that's just because it's raining.  Nothing serious.  In fact, my blood tests showed that my iron has gone from the "anemic" range to "insufficient": Hurray!  I'm only 6 points away from the lowest "normal" count.  I'll get there.

As for whether or not Dr. H is going to be of any help to me beyond lightening the exhaustingly heavy burden of my wallet, only time will tell. I'll give his Biocomp a chance.  We'll see.