Balls!

Jumbo Boy (front and centre) and The Inspector (apparently inspecting his own navel)


It came to light recently that two of my colleagues are super into Bingo.  Ken and I had already played once with my friend and colleague Val.  This time we arranged to go with Val, Val's guy, and the other manager, Annie.

The Bingo hall was crammed.  There were 15 prizes of $1,000 to be won over the course of the evening, and that's more than enough scratch to draw a crowd.  As we stood in line to buy our cards, I admired the decor.  The previous hall we'd been to was dim, damp, and had rain dripping from holes in the roof into big plastic trash cans throughout the room.  This new establishment used to be a banquet hall, so it was bright, watertight, and sported crystal chandeliers instead of holes in the ceiling.

Val helped me figure out what to buy.  We stood in one line to buy books of Bingo cards and a chance for something called the Toonie Pot.  There was also something about an X,T, and L bonus, but don't ask me to explain it.  Val and Annie said that we'd have enough work to do just keeping up with the caller in this hall because he moved quickly from one number to the next.  They'd keep an eye on our cards and let us know if we could yell Bingo for any of the bonus prizes.

We stood in another line to buy "Balls" tickets.  The whole Balls thing is optional, but Ken was jazzed to play because he really wanted a chance to stand up in the middle of a crowded room and yell "Balls! I've got Balls over here!"

Balls tickets are made of two layers of thick paper.  You rip back the paper on the first layer to reveal three strips of potential prizes on the second layer.  It's kind of a low-tech version of the one-armed bandit.  You end up with three rows of symbols: fruits or shamrocks etc.  If you're lucky, you get three Bingo balls.  Then if you're extra-lucky, those three Bingo numbers get called in one game before Bingo is called.  Once they call the third number you yell "Balls!" and win a cash reward.

I bought Ken $10 worth of Balls tickets, at $1 each.  He ripped open all the paper strips, and guess what he got?  Bubkas.  Zip. Nada.  No balls at all.  He was severely disappointed.

We played through the two hours (with an intermission in the middle) and boy, they weren't kidding when they said this caller was quick.  We were playing a four-strip, meaning that there were twelve Bingo cards to each game, divided into four vertical panels, with each Bingo number appearing once in each panel.  The number would be called and you'd have to find the number four times, once in each panel, and dab them all, quick-like-a-bunny, because if you hesitated you would miss the next number, and once you fell behind there wasn't much hope of catching up.  I got dizzy because I was focusing so hard that I forgot to breathe.

You can get a little ahead of the caller by watching the TV monitors that are mounted everywhere.  They show the Bingo ball a couple of seconds before it's called over the PA system.  I would dab my numbers fastfastfast and then snap my head up and stare at the monitor to catch the next ball as soon as it was visible.  When there's a thousand dollars potentially riding on any missed number, you pay attention.

There were five of us there, and we made a deal that if we collectively won $250 or more we would split our winnings 5 ways.  Less than $250 and whoever won would just keep their cash.  It would have been a great system, if any of us had won anything, which we did not.

However, we had a good time, and actually did manage to socialize a little in the intermission, and during a couple of the "special" games where you only have to monitor one strip instead of four.  We're planning to do it again soon.  I know Ken won't be satisfied until he gets some Balls.