Wednesday, February 8, 2012

The Importance of Toes

There is a shift going on within me towards a mindset that I don't know how to describe.  I took a crack at it a couple of posts ago, when I described that lately I need a lot of time alone, outside, to just be, but I'm not sure if I really managed to get my state of mind across.

The difficulty is that it's a mainly non-verbal experience.  I quiet my mental chatter down to an intermittent murmuring, and breathe into the moment.  I become receptive to the input from all of my senses, especially proprioception.

Suddenly, my feet have become important.  I'm conscious of where they're placed relative to my body.  If I'm standing, is my weight evenly distributed?  When I'm living in my head, I tend to lean all my weight on one leg, or turn my toes in towards each other.  If I'm sitting and I quiet my mind, I'll suddenly realize, without deliberately drawing my attention to my feet, that my toes are clenched.  So I relax them.

Up until around two weeks ago, I wore slippers at home all the time.  I have three pairs of slippers.  There are the quiet leather moccasins, the scuffs with rubber soles (good for kitchen work, to keep my socks out of the puddles that inevitably drip onto the floor during washing-up), and the seriously warm sheepskin booties.  I wanted to protect my feet from cold, hard floors.  I was always in one set of slippers or another.

Now, in the middle of winter, unaccountably, I prefer to pad around in my stocking feet.  I'll resist putting slippers on until my feet are uncomfortably cold, if it comes to that.  I want to feel my soles meet the floor when I stand.  I enjoy being conscious of the movements of walking.  I like being aware of my toes.

I'll venture that this is a physical manifestation of my renewed willingness to be here.  I mean Be Here, as in, live on this planet, at this time, in this place, in this life, in this body, under these circumstances.  It feels like I'm experiencing an embodiment of acceptance.

Does any of this make sense to anyone but me?


Warped Mind of Ron said...

I am happy for your "willingness to be here. I mean Be Here, as in, live on this planet, at this time, in this place, in this life, in this body, under these circumstances." as I do enjoy you being here. Now all I have to do is find that place myself. ;-)

DarcKnyt said...

We, of course, are very happy you're here too. I can't say I relate to how you feel, never having been happy with who or what I am which I can recall, but I'm glad you're settling into something like that.

I hope it stays for you. :)

Jameil said...

I love being barefoot. All year long. If I wear socks to sleep, I WILL wake up in the middle of the night to rip them off because my feet are too hot. Sometimes I wake up with my toes aching because I've had them clenched in my sleep. Ever since I severely sprained my left ankle, I have to remind myself not to put most of my weight on my right foot. So yes, though I never would have put it quite like you did, in some ways I definitely I understand. LOL

Tracy Makara said...

It makes perfect sense. Your new state of being is causing you to want to "feel" in many ways...both sensory and emotionally. Enjoy it and go with it. Spring time should be can get out there in your bare feet and walk in some soft grass :)

LL Cool Joe said...

Nope I can't say I relate to this feeling at all, in fact I feel the complete opposite. As I've grown older I fell less and less in touch with my own physical body.

Glad you feel good though!

Jenski said...

It is wonderful that you can and want to feel more connected to your surroundings after all you went through last year! I often have a better sense of my being in a specific place when I am outside in the quiet or doing yoga. It is refreshing to be able to tune into your body in a good way.

DarcsFalcon said...

Well it makes sense to me! If I'm in the house, I'm barefoot. Hate socks, even. I'll make concessions for slippers but only when my toes are numb.

I like knowing what I'm stepping on, what to avoid. It's like feeling planted, somehow. :)

I'm glad you're feeling present, Spark. :)