I feel that it's time for me to do a little update, for those of you who are curious about my personal life. Here it is:
I'm still somewhat crazy.
Is anyone surprised by this? Show of hands?
*crickets* *consipicuous lack of raised hands*
Judging from the fact that anti-depressants are the most commonly prescribed type of medication, and the other fact that 34% of Americans can be defined as alcoholics by the standards of some news article I read recently but don't remember well enough to link to, I'm probably not any more crazy than the average North American.
I'm still dealing with panic attacks of varying intensity, usually on weekends when I'm not following my comfortable routine. I've been pretty good at talking myself through them, and it's been a couple of months since someone has had to ask me "Are you OK?" because I've suddenly gone all pale and sweaty in the middle of a conversation. Certainly it sometimes takes a massive effort to maintain my smiling game face, and I feel exhausted later, but at least I'm not completely paralyzed by anxiety.
I figure all that I can do is to keep trying to live a normal life, not let fear get the best of me, and meanwhile be gentle enough with myself that I'm not too overwhelmed. There are things shifting deep within my psyche which are too raw and amorphous for this blog, but suffice it to say that I do feel I'm making progress of a sort. Sometimes it's 3 steps forward followed by 2 steps back, but it's still progress.
Driving update: I have been behind the wheel of my mom's automatic car twice, and I'm getting the hang of it. I've driven in mostly-empty parking lots and barely-used side streets. I have also started learning the manual gearshift in our car, by shifting from the passenger seat while Ken does the rest of the driving. Hey, it's a start, and I haven't blown up the engine yet.
That's pretty much it for headline news. I've been keeping life simple. Lots of relaxing after work, and social engagements have all been low-key. It's working. Doesn't give me a lot of material to blog about, but that's OK with me.