Thursday, December 6, 2007

Dear 13-year-old me,

Hey, it’s my first meme! I volunteered to be tagged by R.E.H. at Ramblings of a Madman. R.E.H. changed the rules a bit from the usual meme standard, and I like the new rules, so that’s what we’re now playing by.

First, link to the person who tagged you, as above. Then, explain the rules of the meme. The assignment is to write a letter to yourself at the age of 13. Then, anyone who wants to, up to five people, can volunteer to take on the challenge (i.e. be tagged). You can volunteer via a comment. I will then link to the volunteers I get by editing the list below:

Volunteers:

1. Jameil1922 at Unabashedly Me. (TENTATIVE)
2. To be determined
3. Come on, be brave!
4. You know you want to…
5. Don’t all speak at once!

So, here goes…

Dear 13-Year-Old Me,

I know things are tough right now, in grade 8. I wish I could travel back in time to hold your hand and reassure you – life does get better! Kids can be so mean! Boy if I could just go back there and get my hands on the bullies, some scrawny adolescent butts would get kicked, for sure.

Here’s my first tip from the future: beware the girl with the glass eye. You’re going to meet her next year when you start grade 9. She’ll act like a friend, but then she will manipulate you and mess with your head. Bad things will happen if you don’t stay away from her!

From grade 10 on, it'll be all about the boys. Yes, they will eventually start asking you out. Go! Have fun! But don’t let them squash your spirit down. Charlie will be hot. So hot, like Brad Pitt! No, wait, it’s only 1986, and Thelma and Louise doesn’t come out until 1991, so you have no idea who I'm referring to. Anyway, trust me, you’ll fall head over heels for him. And that’s fine, just don’t take crap from him. Don’t let him push you around. Don’t spend all your time with him. Don’t neglect your girlfriends. And by all means, if he tries to break up with you, do NOT beg to be taken back and then spend 6 months in a horrible limbo that crushes your spirit with each passing day. That would be bad.

Do me a favor: fool around! Date different guys! Don’t be so serious! You have your whole adult life for seriousness and long-term relationships.

Changing the subject to what you’re going to do after high school: you won’t like studying engineering. If you enroll, it will destroy your love of mathematics. In fact, you will be so disillusioned with technology that you won’t even use a computer for word processing. You will instead type multiple drafts of 20-page English and History papers on a typewriter, after you switch to the Arts Department. I repeat: a typewriter! Think of all the fun things you could with that time if you would just use a computer instead.

This will come up next year: when you decide you don’t want to wear bangs anymore, don’t pull them back off your forehead with a hair band one sunny summer day and walk around with that strip of white skin at the top of your forehead exposed for hours. Unless you want that skin to turn into a strip of crispy bacon. You won’t be able to raise your eyebrows for a week. You think I’m kidding? I’m not kidding.

And stay away from stirrup pants. Even the purple ones. Just because they’re trendy doesn’t make them flattering.

Well, that’s about it! Keep up the good work, young lady! You know I’m proud of you. And if you need me, I’m only one wrinkle in time away.

Love and Hugs,
35-year-old me.

6 comments:

R.E.H. said...

Excellent letter!

I see you too decided to warn yourself about a specific love interest... maybe that's something most of us would do.

Probably, though - even if our 13 year old selves would heed that warning, wouldn't they (we) go on to be heartbroken somewhere else?

Karen said...

Oh goodness. How horrible were stirrup pants?? I think I should go back and edit my letter to include some fashion choices. Great letter, by the way!

Sparkling Red said...

R.E.H.: Thanks! Yeah, realistically there's no way I could have talked my teenaged self out of hurtling into heartbreak. I'd been dreaming about being rescued by a handsome prince since I was in pre-school. The brainwashing was complete!

Karen: Oh gosh - I could have given a lot more fashion warnings. Neon clothing, enormous shoulder pads, acid wash denim... and I'm just waiting to see if it all comes back in style over the next 5 years. A new generation of style victims is ripe for the picking!

jameil1922 said...

hahahahaha. i love it. maybe i should do this too. except i'm sure i have no desire to remember the 8th grade...

Sparkling Red said...

Jameil: Shall I sign you up as "tentative"? ;-)

jameil1922 said...

yes. lol. but you'll have to remind me b/c i'm forever agreeing to things and forgetting i did only to be reminded by something obscure 7 months later about the thing i was supposed to do so long ago.