Thursday, August 6, 2009

The Experiments

Wretched virus. I've been down for the count since last Sunday with some kind of flu. It could be worse. I don't have a sore throat or tummy troubles. For the first three days I was in and out of a low fever. Yesterday afternoon I felt so much better I set my alarm to go in to work this morning. It was not to be. I'm too weak. I had to go back to bed. I'm getting sick of being sick. But like I said, it could be worse.

I don't like being off my schedule for so long. I'm an achiever. I get satisfaction from my weekdays based on how much I got done. Sitting on my butt for this long makes me anxious. What can I do about it? Sit on my butt some more and wait. :-p

For now, I'm going to tell you two stories. They explain how I finally concluded, to my satisfaction, that I really do pick up on other peoples' feelings with a sixth sense, not the regular five.

I'm a scientific woman. In high school I was that geek that got A+ on all my math, chemistry, physics, and computer science courses. I have a mystical side, but I'm not one to completely throw rationality and logic out the window. Even if I can't document these experiments so that others can duplicate them, at least I proved something to myself.

The first experience happened when I was taking a night course in intuition. I can't remember most of what we did in the course. It was pretty dippy stuff, some of it. The reason I signed up was that it was a pre-requisite for a "professional" two-year part-time program in psychotherapy at the same school. The school was New Age. Some of the things they taught had merit, and, in my opinion, other things were way out to lunch. However, it was the best school I could find at the time, so I tried to get what I could out of it.

On the last night of the course, we did this exercise. Half the class put on blindfolds and sat across from empty chairs, placed in a circle. The other half of the class walked around the outside of the circle until they received a signal from the teacher, at which time they sat down across from whomever they were closest to, musical chairs style. The sighted person gave one hand to the blindfolded person to hold. The blindfolded one had to talk for some time, maybe five or ten minutes, about whatever impressions they got from that hand.

I didn't know anyone in the class very well. When it came my turn to be blindfolded, I didn't even know if the hand I held was that of a male or female. One of the restrictions was that the sighted person was not to utter a sound during the experiment or give any type of feedback. I had no clue who was sitting across from me.

I started to ramble. It's very weird to talk to an unknown person for a long time about whatever pictures form inside one's head. I felt like I must sound crazy or stupid. I started describing a house that I saw, a very specific house. It was not in the city. It was in the country, near a lake. I saw that the main living room and kitchen did not have flat ceilings, but opened to the underside of a peaked wooden roof, like that of a log cabin. The kitchen had sliding glass doors at the back, opening onto a wooden deck, which faced a thickly wooded forest. I described a dog, and some other aspects of the house. I described activities I saw the occupant of the home doing, like jogging and embroidery. At one point the hand I held began shaking noticeably. I had no idea what that signified.

Finally we took our blindfolds off. I was sitting across from a 30-ish woman with her long hair pulled back in a braid. She told me that I'd just described her home as well as if I'd been there, including her dog and her hobbies. She said the only thing that was slightly off is that she doesn't do embroidery - she knits. The reason her hand started shaking was that she couldn't help but laugh with surprise at how clearly I'd seen her life.

I suppose she could have been lying, but she seemed genuine to me. I was pretty freaked out by that experience. I was convinced that I'd really tapped into something.

The second experience was at the same school, in the actual psychology course. We were learning techniques to use with clients to get to their hidden emotions. The technique being demonstrated that day was the use of non-verbal vocalization.

One student volunteered to be the subject, and the teacher played the therapist. They started talking about a certain topic, and when they were well into it the teacher invited the student to express her feelings vocally in a non-verbal way. The student, naturally feeling self-conscious, made a few odd noises, and then started to laugh at herself.

The teacher encouraged her to continue. She made a few more noises, and this cracked her up even more. The teacher also started to smile. The rest of the students, myself included, were seated nearby on a couple of old sofas in the corner of the room. My classmates had started giggling.

Meanwhile, out of the blue, I began to feel sad. I had felt fine when we all came back from lunch, and could not explain to myself why I had a sudden urge to curl up into a ball and hug myself.

The experiment escalated. The student up front kept sounding louder and laughing more. My classmates on the sofas laughed until they were holding their stomachs. The teacher was laughing. The student at the front laughed until she could hardly stand up straight.

I felt like I was going to burst out in tears at any moment. I thought I might have to leave the room. I distinctly remember asking myself what was wrong with me. I thought it was just another manifestation of my messed-up craziness that I couldn't join in with my classmates for an innocent laugh. I felt stupid and left out.

But then, just when I was on the verge of actually letting tears pour down my cheeks, something shifted in the room. The student at the front suddenly broke down. Her laughter turned to weeping; great wrenching sobs from the gut. This was the subconscious emotion that the teacher had meant to uncover. And I had been feeling her repressed feelings, until she finally let them out.

As soon as she broke down, all the sadness lifted off me in one wonderful, relieving wave. I felt completely fine again, instantly. Everyone else in the room calmed down, stopped laughing, and put suitably sympathetic expressions on their faces. Meanwhile, I was trying to absorb the meaning of what had just happened. It was moment of realization that I'll never forget. I can't imagine a more clear demonstration of the process. I was lucky to have been present at that class, so that I could finally understand the process of my own intuition.

I never did finish that psychotherapy course. This was years before I discovered any type of protection from all the unfelt feelings floating around in the ether, so I was a sitting duck. In that course a lot of touchy subjects came up, but there wasn't time for every student in the classroom to express their emotions regarding how the subjects of addiction, or sexual abuse, or violence, had touched their own lives. Sitting in that classroom was very difficult for me, because there was so much Other Peoples' Stuff swimming around just below the surface. I even developed physical aches and pains which I believe were as a result of all the emotional pain I was being exposed to.

I attended most of the classes, but declined to do the next step: 100 hours of case studies. I didn't think it would be good for my health to continue.

So there you go. Those are the best proofs I can offer of the truth of my abilities, for what it's worth. And I don't think there's anything wrong with asking for proof of some sort. There's way too much wishful thinking in the New Age movement. It'd be easy to get lost in a world of daydreams. I don't intend to do so.


San said...

Spark, I believe you have tremendous sensitivity, but it is tempered with a keen intellect. That's a rare gift.

San said...

And your motives are pure. You would be a good healer. Now turn that ability on yourself. Easier said than done I know.

Kate said...

I think if we are able to access it, we all have some sort of ability to read people's inner monologue. It's the people that don't WANT to or fear it that will never get the chance.

G said...

Interesting post.

You seem to be a remarkably multi-faceted individual. I think this will be an excellent blog for me to follow, in the sense that it has opened up a different world for me.

I'v always heard about the items that you possess mostly in tabloids and mostly derogatory, and yet you seem so genuinely sincere about your gift (for lack of a better word), that I honestly wish you nothing but the best in that you will reach your full potential with your gifts.

Vanessa (DarcsFalcon) said...

Wow, those are fascinating incidents!

Do you ever feel pressure? I mean like in the sense that, since you can sense things so strongly that you feel almost forced (expected by others) to do something about it, even though there isn't anything you can do? I hate that feeling.

How do you deal with the feeling of being overwhelmed by other people's emotions?

I'm sorry you've been sick lately. :( I'm praying that you'll be back to your usual bouncy self soon. *hug*

Jenski said...

I hope you are on the mend! I had to convince myself there was nothing I could do about lost productivity when I was sick and to let it go.

Those are amazing stories too. I am glad that you are honing your abilities more. I hope that it will limit those times when you are so overwhelmed with the emotions around you. I agree with San that you would be a good healer too.

Warped Mind of Ron said...

Things we don't understand are simply things we haven't figured out yet. :) I believe part of the reason this sort of thing hasn't been worked on is it's not compatible with science as we know it, where everything is fact and proof. This sort of event seems more sporadic and more free flowing than a "classic" science.

Scarlet said...

Although I'm not a fan of New Age, I believe you have a gift, a God-given gift and a sensitivity to others that's uncommon (but wonderful!). I'm wondering why you didn't become a psychologist.

Sparkling Red said...

San: Thank you. I'm definitely humbled by how little I understand about the energies I can sense. These stories where I get a clear message or understanding are the exception, not the rule.

Kate: I do believe that most people have some degree of sensitivity, although if it's a small amount they may find it easy to ignore. Consensus reality doesn't acknowledge these things much, so I think they get lost in the blare of busy schedules, TV, and other distractions.

G: Thank you! Actually you're exactly the audience I'm writing for. It's easy to preach to the choir. On the other hand, people who don't have much firsthand experience with psychic stuff are usually pretty skeptical. Thanks for coming with an open mind to read. You may find that you have some experiences of your own, now that you're paying attention to the possibilities.

Vanessa: The only pressure I feel is internal, and usually it's a gut reaction wanting to run away and hide from the uncomfortable emotions I'm picking up. The hardest thing is to consciously turn and face up to the emotions. Now that I have my "psychic hug" technique (from the last post), I'm going to try that as my go-to coping mechanism. It remains to be seen how well that works in various circumstances.

Jenski: Thanks. I used to do energy healings but I picked up on too much negative energy from my "patients". I haven't gone back to try those techniques in around ten years. Maybe it's time to give it another chance.

Ron: I agree. I mean, quantum physics doesn't make linear sense, but there seems to be a place in science for it. Surely there will one day be a place for these phenomena.

Scarlet: I didn't become a psychologist because I didn't know how to protect myself from the clients' emotions that I could feel psychically. I think I'm getting better at that now, but my days of psychotherapy school are long behind me. Sometimes I think of going back, but I'm not sure. If I feel called back someday, I'll do it.

powdergirl said...

I pick up on 'other peoples stuff' sometimes too. It can be kind of freaky and kind of helpful too.
Met a guy a couple of days ago that left horrific images in my head and a very bad feeling in my gut.
I told the friend who introduced us how I felt and that I didn't she should be alone with the guy.

We've know each other a while, she took me at my word, which was a relief to me because I really know what the guy is.

Aurora said...

Wow--both experiences are pretty impressive.
And I like the idea that an intuition course should be a prerequisite for anything :-)