Thursday, November 26, 2009

Things I Think About

Toronto has recently converted some of its busiest downtown intersections to offer all-way pedestrian crossing. The traffic lights all turn red, the pedestrian signals all show the little walking guy, and you can cross the intersection diagonally if you wish. I always laugh to myself at these intersections, because I can't help expecting this to happen next: All pedestrians are signalled to stop, the traffic lights all turn green together, and all cars hit the gas simultanously. Then there is a terrific crash as several lanes of traffic from each direction pile up into a giant car pyramid in the middle of the road. Wouldn't that be great?

I was trying to fall asleep, and as I lay there in the dark, I devised a collection of Christmas gifts for the man or woman who has everything. I'm not talking about electric shoe buffers or other such old-news items. These are brand new things that no one has ever invented before.

1) Dish socks. These are rubber "foot gloves", with separate toe pockets, worn over one's feet in order to wash dishes. Anyone who does the dishes with their feet, due to a medical condition or personal preference (to protect an elaborate manicure, for example), can now be protected from the drying effects of hot water and detergent.

2) The shower cape. This is like a shower cap, but in reverse. If you desire to wash your hair in the shower without getting the rest of your body wet, you cover yourself from the neck down with a shower cape.

3) A matched set: tooth brush and tooth comb. You know, like a matching pen and pencil set, but for your teeth. What would be the functionality of the tooth comb? I haven't got that figured out yet, but I'm open to suggestions.


Warped Mind of Ron said...

I've always wondered about toothpaste that colored your teeth. I mean all of them now are just doing white, how boring. What if you had a Crayola pack of toothpaste? Rainbow colored teeth or artistic expression, how cool would that be?

Anonymous said...

I like the inventions. I think the tooth comb could be a series of floss strands stretched over the comb-like structure tines to enable flossing more than one gap at a time. Do all your molars at once, or hit the incisors AND the canines all together.


michelle said...

when i was in toronto in september i saw the mass crossing at yonge and dundas and it freaked me out completely! i couldn't bring myself to cross on the angle ... it was far to chaotic for my liking!

wigsf said...

Toronto doesn't need scramble corners to have massive car pile-ups. You wanna see huge pile-ups of cars, just wait for the Gardiner to collapse. You know it's gonna happen soon.

DarcsFalcon said...

I like the shower cape idea. Sometimes you just want to wash your hair without breaking your back over the sink.

Cute post hon. :)

LL Cool Joe said...

First the 5 penises and now this?? :D I did comment on your last post but it hasn't appeared!

I have worn my pants pretty low at times and it's actually very comfy! Never had my crotch grabbed by a cop though! Damn.

Anyway, back to this post. I don't shower, but if I did, the cape idea could work. Make mine a Batman one!

Jameil said...

the tooth comb could be fine-toothed and work in lieu of floss or for the really large debris. kind of like a rat tail comb.

G said...

Scary part is that someone has actually thought of these.

I remember getting a book about wacky inventions that actually received patents.

Sparkling Red said...

Ron: That's brilliant! I love it. If we can embrace whitening toothpaste, why not reddening, bluening, or brownening? Or any of the other colours? I could appreciate rainbow teeth, for sure. You should patent that idea before someone else does.

Darcknyt: Say, that tooth comb sounds marketable. What a timesaver it would be! Floss multiple teeth at once! You just need a spot on the shopping channel and you're off to the races.

Michelle: Crossing diagonally is certainly weird. It feels unfamiliar. But now that I've experienced it, I wish it were in place at more intersections. It's so efficient!

wigsf: Sure it'll collapse. Weren't big chunks falling off it recently? Or was that some other section of Toronto's decrepit roadways?

DarcsFalcon: I'd also use it to protect my clothes while colouring my hair. Not that I colour my hair. That Crushed Garnet #267 is totally natural.

LL Cool Joe: I like low-cut pants because I can eat a lot and let my stomach pooch out over the waistband. Back in the 1980's I was forever unbuttoning the top snap of my jeans after lunch because the waistline was right around my stomach. But my low-rider pants don't have a low crotch. They just have a 1.5 inch fly.

Jameil: The really large debris. Gross. :-p Sad to say, some people could use that. I don't know how some folks get so much junk caught in their teeth while eating, but they do.

G: I googled them all, but the only one I found was the shower cape, and it was more like a bib, not even extending to the waist. So, perhaps I am the first! Or at least I like to think so.

Lil Red said...

I love the shower cape idea, but I think I'd freeze underneath it. :) I'm always cold!

The like thin toothpicks?? I can see the benefit in having one of those. :)

You have a very creative mind, my friend. Let me know if you can think of what to get the man who loves sports...and has just about everything.

NicoleB Egypt said...

OK, you officially get the weird ideas award ;)

SoMi's Nilsa said...

Boston has those sorts of intersections, too. I always wanted to go out in the middle and dance. I mean, why not if you can, right? But, I love your visuals of all the lights turning green and cars crashing. That's funny.