Friday, February 15, 2008

Broken Telephone

Yesterday I had this conversation with a prospective customer.

Her: Where are you located?

Me: We're near the intersection of [this road] and [that road].

Her: Oh! I know that neighbourhood! Are you across the street?

Me: *blink* *blink*

I wanted to say "across the street from what?" but I couldn't find a way to do it without sounding like a smart ass, so I just gave up and laughed.

That reminds me of the time another customer said the following to me over the phone:

Him: Oh, honey, I don't have any teeth! I'm a woman's dream!

I can't give you the context of that one without revealing where I work, so you'll just have to keep yourselves up late tonight trying to figure it out.

If anyone can figure out how a 50-something-year-old man with no teeth could be a woman's dream, feel free to speculate in the comments. It's a no-brainer why a toothless woman would be appealing to men, sure, but I don't think that one plays the same both ways.

Whatever the answer, that guy got himself totally worked up with that remark. I thought I'd never get him off the phone. I guess he thought that we were flirting. Ha! Ha. Ha ha ha.

Only one man has ever flirted with me successfully over the phone while I was at work. That was ten years ago, when I was taking calls at a mail order company. I was in Toronto. He was in Calgary. We were around 1700 miles apart, as the crow flies.

Him (drawling): Yer soundin' mighty purty today, ma'am.

Then I heard him blush. Of course I was picturing a sweet cowboy in tight jeans, watching me from under the rim of his stetson, possibly chewing on a stalk of wheat. I was just about ready to jump on a plane to Calgary to go to the county square-dance with him. But I guess he lost his nerve because he didn't get around to inviting me.


Warped Mind of Ron said...

I get loads of weird calls. I had some elderly lady call asking about their husbands surgery and I politely told her she had the wrong number. She corrected me and told me that she was given this number and to call us. I had to break it to her again that we were not a medical facility and the number was wrong. I don't really think she believed me for some reason.

Nicole said...

Phone call conversations are amazing.
I wish I had noted all of my weird ones :D

I can't take the wildest guess where the guy with no teeth comes into the game, but hey, I'm falling asleep here and will wait for some brainy answers in the morning ;)

Leighann said...

I had to giggle at these, especially the toothless man. I've yet to concoct a reason as to why he'd be a womans dream, but I'll come up with something eventually! LOL

jameil1922 said...

oh phone people. how they annoy me. GET OFF MY PHONE YOU PSYCHO!! that's what i always want to yell. praise God I only have to answer phones 2xs/week. and even that is exreme. but if it were more than that i would be sooo (much more) over it.

Tamara said...


See, this is why you are so much nicer than me. In the first situation I probably would have just replied, yes.

R.E.H. said...

I actually ended up flirting with a telemarketer once. Her voice was so sexy and sweet on the phone, I just had to.

We talked for a long time - not about whatever product she was selling... hehe. It never came to anything anyway.

Across the street... LOL!

Tink said...

>>Oh, honey, I don't have any teeth! I'm a woman's dream!<<

Not MY dream!! ;)

Sparkling Red said...

Warped Mind of Ron: That's hilarious. That reminds me of a friend who answered a wrong # phone call. The caller said "Sharon?" My friend: "No, this isn't Sharon." Caller: "Are you sure?"

Nicole: OK, you sleep on it. I'll be checking in the morning to see what you come up with. ;-)

Leighann: Do come back and let me know if you have any inspirations. I shall not rest until I have the answer!

Jameil: Yes, I am SO glad that I'm not a receptionist anymore. Nothing drives me more nuts than covering a shift for one of my staff, dealing with phone calls all day.

Tamara: Believe me, I was sorely tempted!

R.E.H.: I wonder if that was one of the calls that was "recorded to ensure customer satisfaction". I guess you qualify as satisfied after that experience... OK, not THAT kind of satisfaction. ;-)

Tink: Oooh, good comeback. I wish I would have thought of that at the time.

PixieVonAzia said...

lol I would have said it..'Across the street from what?.. but your answer to that a with a silence *blink, *blink was funnier =)

Anonymous said...

Toothless? Did he sound like he had teeth? Because if he did, I'd say maybe your cowboy was toothless too and that's why he didn't invite know, just to make you feel better about never meeting him.
As to why a toothless man believes he's a woman's dream...I can't even fathom what kind of women he's alluding to! None that I've ever met that are under 65!

Aurora said...

Ha! ha. ha. I find it flattering whenever someone flirts. As long as they're not sinister and threatening. And toothless (I'm not getting your innuendo here!)

The first time I signed up for high speed (10 yrs ago?!) I had this great flirtatious conversation with the Bell technician. We spent about 45 minutes on the phone just chatting. In the end I think I said something like, "I know where to find you, ha, ha," and he said, "Well, give me a call sometime..." ... But I didn't.

Karen said...

I try to phone flirt with people all the time. It is a stupid little game I like to play. Then I get all disappointed when I see the people in real life and they are not up to my ideal. lol. I have issues.

Sparkling Red said...

Pixievonazia: Sometimes less is more. ;-)

Binky Ink: Yeah, it's probably better that I never know what my fantasy cowboy really looked like. I'd rather not have that particular bubble burst.

Aurora: 45 minutes? Don't these people have supervisors? Sounds like fun, though.

Karen: I used to know a guy called Ned who did exactly the same thing. He was constantly complaining about his disappointments. He was a pretty good-looking guy too... if I was still in touch with him I'd give you his number. ;-)

Jenski said...

I love it when a potentially sketchy situation doesn't feel sketchy and leaves you smiling - this usually involves some weird old man on a park bench telling me I have a nice smile or am pretty or some variation on that.

Aric Blue said...

You *heard* him blush? How's that?

Sparkling Red said...

Jenski: Yes, there's nothing like a little harmless flirting to make your day. Last time the guy behind me in line at the cafeteria said "Seeya later, Blue Eyes" and winked, I was smiling all afternoon.

Aric Blue: I have excellent hearing and I never make things up. That is all I have to say.

Maxie said...

haha the one about the guy having no teeth cracked me up b/c I've heard that before. grossss