Sunday, January 20, 2008

It's Official

That's it, then. My step-dad has made his final decision, and he is leaving my mom.

He left her a voice mail message stating this news. Yes, voice mail. After 27 years of marriage. I listened to the message myself - my mom saved it for me because she needed someone else to witness the surreality of it all.

That's typical step-dad. He wasn't trying to be cruel - he just doesn't have a clue. He's never been good at putting himself in someone else's shoes. It's like he lives in an invisible bubble protecting him from the harshest parts of reality. In some ways he's very childlike.

I was shocked that he had hooked back up with an old flame from his college days. They rediscovered each other via a school reunion. But I'm not shocked at the way he's handling the situation. It's consistent with how he's always been.

I'm proud of how well my mom is holding up. She's on a roller coaster of emotions, but she's staying strong. I am very willing to support her through the process. I went through a divorce myself in 2001-2002, so I can relate to what she's feeling. Although in my case I was the one who decided to leave, so at least I didn't have to deal with the horror of being dumped.

It's affecting me in odd ways. I can totally be there for my mom when we're together or on the phone, but then my feelings will sneak-attack me in the middle of something else with no warning. For example I was at the mall yesterday with Ken, shopping for T-shirts in the men's department, and suddenly I broke down weeping.

Then it passes just as suddenly.


Anonymous said...

Red, this sucks. I don't really recall the dynamic surrounding my parent's divorce, because I was so young, but I have recently been through situations that evoke similar responses of unannounced meltdowns. So many people told me it would just take time - which is NOT what I wanted to hear; however, looking back now, I can see how 3 months has gone by and how things ARE better.

Nicole said...

Men are weird.
Not always, but so often.

Wishing your Mom a lot of strength!
(A stranger that found you via the Blog365 RSS feed ;) )


Warped Mind of Ron said...

I'm sorry to hear about your mom and wish her and you the best. I have a hard time understanding a breakup via voicemail after that many years, actually a break up by voice mail in general is very odd to me.

jameil1922 said...

awwww :( that's horrid. my dad left, too under less than ideal cicumstances. its so hard to watch your mom's pain. i'm glad you're there to help her with it.

R.E.H. said...

Gee! After 27 years at least the fella could face your mom when giving the bad news...

Sorry to hear about it. Hope you're holding up ok - and your mom!

Maxie said...

I'm so sorry.

I'll be thinking about both you and your mom...and wishing you both strength through this rough patch.

That Chick Over There said...

Wow, that's awful. Sorry for all of you. :(

Anonymous said...

This is my first time here but I am so sorry your Mom has to go through this. It is crazy no matter how old we are, something like this still effects us, like we are little kids again.

Sparkling Red said...

To Everyone Who Commented:

I thank you so much for your caring and supportive thoughts. I'll let my mom know that you're all rooting for her and feeling indignant on her behalf.

I value the messages of friends and of relative strangers. I feel the warmth and affection of those who know me. And when I hear from people who are writing for the first time, it gladdens my heart that someone would take the time to write to me even though we've never met. It boosts my overall hopefulness in the power of human kindness.

The love vibe comes through just fine across all the geography. :-)

*Hugs* to all of you,
Sparkling Red.

The Ex said...

Oh this sucks. A message? Cold-hearted. I know we've talked about this before and how I really don't know anything about this but dude, just know I totally totally feel for you and I feel like I'm learning so much from reading about this. THANK YOU so much for sharing.

Ps - I added you to my blogroll! I love it.

Chelsea Talks Smack said...

Wow, I am really sorry.

Sparkling Red said...

The Ex: Thanks for adding me to your blogroll! That's a surefire way to make me smile. :-)
I will be updating mine again real soon-like.

Jenski said...

Voice mail? Really? I am glad you are there for your mom. With my own personal really emotional experiences, time certainly does help with the sudden meltdowns. It sounds like you (and your mom) have the strength to get through this. I'll be thinking of you in this difficult time!

Aurora said...

Voicemail, wow. Shocking. I recall being laid off by voicemail once. It's impossible not to take it personally even though you know the person is just totally interpersonally clueless (and, in my former boss's case, has been insensitive to the point of abusive --to countless people). I still feel that lack of skill somehow doesn't let them off the hook.

Hope you can do lots of things to nourish and support yourself (and that your mum can too). Hugs!

I also agree with nicole. This kind of weirdness is so much more common in men than women.